seasons change but people don't

The other night I was laying in bed, after a deadly combination of red wine and white russians, and I had a thought that sent me absolutely crazy! Like batshit, I tell you! The thought was this: I am currently missing fall on the East Coast!

This has never, ever happened to me before! It almost came pretty close to happening last year, as I was preparing to move cross country with little more than a week's notice, but I stretched out my time at home, opting to drive faster and longer days so I could squeeze more time out of my last autumn.

weheartit

Like many New Englanders, autumn is my favorite season, and it's not just because of all that beautiful fall foliage we're so famous for (although it is insane, I promise you). There's something about the air. The way it smells (crushed leaves and bonfires), the way it feels (crisp and cool, almost brittle). For a brief moment in time, having to wear a scarf and a hoodie feels downright romantic.

weheartit

Fall in New England is fair season. I know I'm corny for it, but I absolutely love fairs. The Durham Fair is my personal favorite, although the big E is impressive and unbelievable in it's tackiness, and runs a close second.Here's the worst part about my mini-obsession with the Durham Fair: I never even go on any rides. Nor do I play games, or look at handmade candles and dream catchers. I go there for one thing and one thing only; the food. Fair food is hands down, my favorite, favorite guilty pleasure. Must haves at the Durham Fair include strawberry shortcake, clam chowder in a bread bowl, and a ginormous bag of kettle corn, and if you go to the big E, for the love of god, eat a cream puff!

weheartit

Fall in New England is also apple season. I mean, I'm sure it's apple season here, too, but I don't think California has quite the wealth of apples as a place like CT, and even if they did, they most certainly do not have Lyman Orchards, where you can get an apple cider and a cider donut and then, maybe even go on a hayride (do they still do that?) with a bunch of bratty, dirty kids. The best thing though, about Lyman's is the way their apples taste, straight off the tree. Simultaneously juicy and crunchy and altogether perfect.

weheartit

It breaks my heart to think that children in California have never spent an afternoon raking leaves in their yard and then jumping into the piles, running around smelling like damp earth with twigs in their hair.
If I had my way, for my birthday, I'd take all the people I love who live here and put them on a plane to meet up with all the people I love back home, and then we'd go have a bonfire in the woods, just like when I was 17.
I guess I'm just feeling homesick. Waxing poetic about the east coast and forgetting that after fall comes winter, which is bitter cold and, after Christmas, completely unbearable. I've heard rumors that the West Coast has it's fair share of fall activities, too. Harvest festivals and haunted houses. The air here at this of year feels warmer, but not altogether different. There's still that sense of changing seasons, some things ending, others just beginning. Who knows, maybe ten years from now, I'll be looking back here longingly, thinking how much I loved spending fall in the bay area.

weheartit

But for now, I'm feeling bittersweet. Almost enjoying the way my heart aches for what feels like home. There's something special about being here and missing there. When I was younger and the feeling of loss was a relatively new sensation, I would always go to my father with my troubles, bemoaning how much it hurt. "So let it hurt," he would say, "That's how you know it meant something."

love always

fancy footwork

for some reason they were playing this video at my gym today and i couldn't help but swoon over these amazing moves:

i've had a thing for mr. pop since i was a kid and my momma used to lay in front of the stereo and daydream while listening to candy, which is totally my favorite song ever. in fact, i have this crazy fantasy where i meet my soulmate and the only way i know he's my soulmate is because he knows all the words to that song and we totally sing it together just like in a musical.

R.I.P. M.J.

i was never a huge fan of michael jackson to be honest. when i was a kid, the video for thriller scared the bejesus out of me and i never quite forgave him for that. i do, however, have fond memories of this:

best dance video ever made!!!!!!!!! those who dare to disagree with me can kick rocks.


love always

p.s. - i totally forgot that eddie murphy was in this video, which makes it even better.

june gloom

lately, the weather in lovely ct has been absolutely poisonous. eerily dreary and stiflingly humid. just walking outside feels toxic. my friends keep getting sick and everyone looks like they have storm clouds under their eyes.
it's time like these i think, where i grow the most. stay indoors and curl up, into myself where i can remember the answers i already knew. feel the way my heart beats at the center.....
in other words, i feel all angsty and goth and emo and like, fourteen years old or something! wtf sun, why you gotta be all non-existent and shit?! get your ass in gear and shine on us before i start writing poetry again....
or indulging in crap like this:

or even worse, this:



love always

this is what my summer smells like...

(having actually received my order, i had to delete my last post and start all over. i did not feel that i truly did this topic justice.)
you know how they say that scent is the sense most closely tied to memory? for me, that idea explains a lot. i have a hard time letting go of my memories and i often use scent, in a very personal way, to re-create moments that would otherwise be lost. like for example, i started wearing the escada summertime line (rockin' rio, sunset heat, etc.) during one of those times in my life when everything was giddy and ecstatic and meaningful. i subsequently made a connection between the smell of escada and my own happiness, which eventually turned into a morbid superstition that my life would turn to shit if i did not wear escada. (have i mentioned that i can be a bit dramatic at times?)
these days i do my best to avoid irrational superstitions. i have still however, maintained a great fascination with the concept of fragrance, and have continued to search for scents that make me swoon. so when i stumbled on the website for black phoenix alchemy lab it was pretty much infatuation from the gate.
black phoenix alchemy lab, or bpal as it's affectionately referred to by it's devotees, is a company that hand blends scented oils to create fragrances like no other. with names that run the gammut from the mystical to the taboo to the downright creepy, and scent descriptions that read like softcore porn, they go beyond the world of perfume and into that creative territory known as art. what can i say? i'm weak for this kind of this shit.
apparently, i'm not the only one who feels this way. there is an entire forum dedicated to discussing and analyzing the intricacies of these unique scents, complete with reviews, reccomendations and bottle swaps. at first glance, it may seem a bit obsessive to some folks, but considering that i make a respectable living off sniffing an entirely different kind of bottle, it makes perfect sense to me.
it's been said that each blend changes depending on the body chemistry of the person who's wearing it, in addition to numerous other factors such as time of the month and bottle age. i think perhaps, that this is what attracts me the most; the idea that each scent is highly personal and completely unique. i've tried a handful of scents, and i don't love them all. but the ones that i do love smell like they were made specifically for me. (so far, to my nose, bon vivant, shattered, and queen mab smell like a fucking orgasm in a church.)
these fragrances are so much more than just pretty smells. they're scents that tell a story, that have something to say, that evoke an emotion or a memory and isn't that what we're all looking for in a perfume? a scent that defines who we are, that sends a message to those around us? these are scents that make people feel something.

love always

cheesy song AND a cheesy boy crush

um, so i'd kinda be down to fuck lil' wayne. you know, like, if i was given the chance or whatever. i mean, admitting to this does make me feel like a pedophile and all, but there's just something about him.....

like when i first heard that young money song, i was all enraged like who the fuck do you think you are trying to fuck every single girl in the world?! that's just gross!!! but then i heard that part where lil' wayne's all like anyway, i think you're bionic and i don't think you're beautiful, i think you're beyond it, and i just melted. i couldn't help it. dude is charming. he probably could fuck every girl in the world and i'd be in line right behind the rest of 'em.

love always

forget sarah marshall, i'd rather have mila kunis

i've been avoiding this movie for quite some time now. from what i could gather, it was just annother american pie knockoff (and i didn't even like the original!), filled with sexist, immature bathroom humor, and lots of naked chicks. needless to say, my prude, feminist ass does not do well with that sort of thing. sunday however, i was so emotionally wasted/hungover that when fluff put it on i didn't even bother to argue, assuming that i'd fall asleep before i caught anything that seriously offended me. thus, i was pleasantly surprised when i not only stayed awake for the entire time, but i also kind of enjoyed watching it.
don't get me wrong now, it was exactly everything i thought it would be. the first half of the movie is spent building a case for why the title character is such a ginormous, evil uber-slut for cheating on protagonist peter, and then "moving on too quickly" after they broke up. yet, in the second half, he cheats on his new girlfriend, rachel, and the movie closes with her forgiving him. can you say double fucking standard?
in addition to that, peter is a total d-bag. when sarah is basically like "dude, i broke up with you because you let yourself go and sat around the apartment eating fucking fruit loops all day, and being a huge waste of oxygen", i can totally relate to her. i would've broken up with his sorry ass too.
here's why the movie is even remotely enjoyable: mila kunis as rachel. to say that she was compelling would be a gross understatement. she was charming, feisty, sensual, witty, passionate, genuine, way too good for that jack ass peter and oh yeah, she was totally fucking hot.
now, i'm not the type to usually say that about females. i've had my fair share of lesbian experiences, and trust me when i say that they did not turn out so well. every once in a while though, there's that one random girl who just totally does it for me. mila kunis' character in this movie just so happens to fall into that category.
it's also worth mentioning the fact that i think russel brand did a fabulous job as well. i saw him host the mtv vmas last year and he was a total trainwreck. in this movie however, he plays up these subtle nuances in his character that make him come off as endearing, rather than obnoxious. for example, when he breaks up with his girlfriend, he seems ever so slightly bummed, whereas i think most actors would've played that part as though he didn't even give a shit. he added some depth to the role, which was nice.
so rather than actually getting invested in the story, i spent the duration of the movie fantasizing about a threesome with mila kunis and russell brand. kinky, yes, but it just goes to show that even in the shitiest of shitshows there is occasionally some tasty little morsel worth staying awake for......or lusting over.

love always

really cheesy songs i like, part deux

in order to tell you about this amazing piece of musical genius, i have to make a confession.
i'm twenty-four years old and i watch the disney channel .
yes, yes, i know this may seem a bit immature, but in my defense it was fluff who got me hooked on it, and like many things that i enjoy, it's harmless and comforting.
now that that's off my chest, i can tell you that the other day i was watching disney, when i saw the video for the new demi lovato song and immediately fell in love. it's called "don't forget" and it's so simple that even i could probably figure out how to play it on the guitar.
i have a love-hate relationship with demi lovato. she's like the ghost of what i thought i wanted to be when i grew up. she's so fucking pretty. and she's young. and her voice sounds the way mine used to sound before i smoked cigarettes for ten years. even more jealousy-inspiring is the fact that she got to star in camp rock. i seriously would've given up my pinky finger for that part.
in any case, here's another confession:
i actually bought the cd from itunes. i liked the song so much that i couldn't even wait to download it illegaly, so i went out and purchased the damn thing. i've been listening to it non-stop ever since.

love always

my brand new non-career

tommorrow is my first day of work at a brand new job where i'll be......waitressing! i know that some people in my life see this as a desperate move, or as a sign that i'm throwing in the towel, but honestly, it's exactly what i wanted. after being "let go" from a job that i worked so hard to obtain, a job that i perservered at despite the fact that it made me unhappy, simply for the sake of my career, i really just want to wait on tables. it's like when you get out of a real serious relationship and you're not really ready to start dating again. i got burned pretty badly and i'm not in the mood to jump into another career just yet.
i waitressed for five years before i decided to sell wine for a living, and although i occasionally resented my customers, got sick of the late hours or felt like everyone's slave, for the most part, i really enjoyed it. here are my top five reasons why:

5. you actually get to move
the first year that i was waitressing, i dropped about twenty pounds and i couldn't figure out why. then i got a job in a fancy wine shop where i sat at a computer all day, and i gained it all back. that's when it clicked. all those hours that i was busting my ass waiting on tables, i was excercising without even realizng it! not only is it great to be active because you lose weight, but it can also improve your mood drastically.

4. time flies
working in a restaurant is simple. you go in, you do what needs to be done, then you leave. there's no watching the clock, no trying to look busy. either you are busy, or you get cut.

3. free time
restaurant hours are great. shifts are typically short and don't start until later in the day. no one calls you on your day off. no one expects you to put in more time just to prove how dedicated how your are. no one expects you to do anything except show up for your shift and finish your sidework. what this means is that you get plenty of space to do what really matters to you, whether it be working on a side project, or drinking till four am every night.

2. it's such a bonding experience
restaurants are pretty low-commitment, but at times, they can be brutal. the staff gets overwhelmed, the customers get hungry, the managers are all overworked and underpaid. emotions can run pretty high, especially when it's busy and everyone's in the weeds. because of this, you really rely on your co-workers to get you through it when they can. i've met some of my best friends working in restaurants, and we're still close to this day.

1. it's fucking fun!
yes, it's hard work. no, you never get the appreciation that you deserve. sometimes the chef flips out and calls you a whore. other times you wanna murder your co-worker who somehow always gets the best section despite the fact the they never do their sidework. despite all that, it's great fun. you schmooze your customers, gossip with the staff, and deliver people yummy food and drinks all night. you meet lots of cool people, try lots of great food and you get to be social all the time. coming from where i'm coming from, that sounds like a pretty sweet deal.

love always

i always suspected he might be gay....

um, wtf, i'm really confused. i thought that twilight was supposed to be about sparkly, angsty abstinence. now that the dvd's about to come out, i feel like it's turning all sodom and gomorrah on me.
like the other day, steff and i went to hot topic to buy green hair extensions for st. patrick's day, and the guy at the checkout totally tried to hard-sell me on pre-ordering the dvd so i could get an invitation to the exclusive hot topic twilight release party. when i told him that i didn't want to be the oldest person there he got all defensive and said i'd be surprised how many people my age would be there. i still declined, politely i might add, but then his friend jumped in and said that i'd be missing out because there was gonna be a ventriloquist there with an edward puppet.
i've been having nightmares ever since.
then, i saw a preview of one of the deleted scenes on the dvd, and it's so awkwardly sexual that i felt like i was watching a porno. basically what happens is, bella's all like "hey edward, want a taste?", then she proceeds to finger-bang his mouth while he tries not to eat her fucking hand off. that shit isn't even right.
then, worst of all, i heard about how edward ( i mean robert pattinson) plays salvador dali in a gay porn.
wait, what? was dali even gay?
i'm alternately dying to see it and trembling in fear.
seriously though, does anyone else find it ironic that stephanie meyer's horny, mormon ass accidentally created such a sexual phenomenon?

love always

i'm such a trendsetter

when i was just a wee lass of about twelve years old, i used to wear a studded dog collar to school. i think it goes without saying that i was teased mercilessly for it. but now, those of you who were doing the teasing can politely raise your hands and bow your heads in shame, because i have the pleasure of announcing that shit is officially in style!
not necessarily the dog collar, but the studs in particular. i've seen them everywhere. on shoes, shirts, bags, earings, you name it. i'm especially pleased about this because it means that i will be spared the embarassment of walking into hot topic just to purchase my studded accesories.
sometimes i get really possesive about fashion statements. like, if i've been rocking a particular style and all of a sudden everyone else is wearing it, i feel kind of jilted. studded accesories however, are one trend that i really don't mind sharing. i seriously love them that much. they are just so classic. i mean, nothing says badass better than the three-row pyramid belt.
the best example of this new trend that i've seen so far are these amazing sandals from urban outfitters. admiteddly, they are pricey as shit, but some things are just worth it.

love always

okay, so i lied

i really honestly thought i wouldn't be devastated if quest crew won the season. who the fuck was i kidding? of course it was devastating! america hates females and that's all it really comes down to.
yes, quest did a few really cool tricks, and during britney week, they almost had me. im glad that the crew who won was actually capable of dancing. but in all honesty, beatfreaks deserved that title.
(it did not help that fluff teased me mercilessly about the fact that they lost. he got me feeling really sulky and resentful.)
the best part though, by far was when j.c. (swoon) called quest "america's best hair crew". that shit had me dying.
next season, i am forming an all-girl crew, and we better win that shit!

love always

the moment of reckoning has finally come

despite the fact that i totally got fired last thursday, i still managed to watch last weeks episode of abdc. i could not miss that shit because i knew fly khicks would have to bounce, and that totally made me smile.
so now we're gearing up for the final episode tonight on mtv, and i couldn't be happier or more excited. both of my favorite crews made it to the final two, and for once i feel like it (mostly) a fair game. i've decided that i want beatfreaks to win tonight. yes, it's because they're girls! the past two seasons it's been all guy crews and that shit just ain't right. also, if they do win, i'm totally looking forward to lots of crying and girlyhugs and blabbering about feminist dreams and whatnot. that kind of stuff really tickles my fancy.
if quest crew does take it, i won't be that, that upset. unlike the winners from the past two seasons, these boys are actually good dancers. i just think that ocasionally they lost the aesthetic appeal of their dances, because they focused too much on doing tricks. typical boys!
beatfreaks on the other hand, were always clean, always tight, but sometimes i think they didn't do enough tricks to really grab the voters' attention. last week, their performances were solid, but a bit bland. i fear for them!
in any case, no matter who wins and who loses, i'm glad that the voters and the judges managed to decide on two talented crews to face off in the finale.

love always

welcome to really cheesy songs i like

today, i'll be discussing "thinking of you". ya know, that song where katy perry does a frighteningly accurate impersonation of alanis morisette?

i think the reason i like it so much is because the subject matter adresses my most biggest fear at the moment; banging someone new only to find out that your ex was really way better. since i absolutely refuse to download anything by katy perry, i only ever listen to this song in the car. when it comes on the radio, you can generally find me white-knuckling my steering wheel and shaking in terror, with just the faintest sparkle of a tear at the corner of my eye. i know this sounds a bit unpleasant, but it's actually a weird, sort of adrenaline rush type thing, like how people watch horror movies because they kinda like being scared.

in any case, way to go katy perry! you've actually made a song that doesn't make me wanna rip out your vocal chords on behalf of all womankind.

love always

p.s. check out the video as well, in which ms. perry pretends that her ex is dead, as if the song isn't about her being a foolish slut. really katy, i can relate to the foolish slut thing, the dead boyfriend, not so much.

oh the weather outside is frightful

which means that it's time for me to face the awful truth about what happened on abdc this week. i will do my best to keep my cool while relaying this sad series of events.
first of all, i could tell it was gonna be a shitshow when they started off with an opening number. the opening number on abdc signifies the start of many bad decisions. among them, the decision to eliminate fish 'n' chicks in the first season, which takes the cake for my most devastating abdc moment ever. in traditional opening number fashion, the choreography was beyond cheesy. it literally hurt my eyes to watch.
after the opening number came a really sweet performance by quest crew, during which i came to an important realization about why i like this crew so much. have you ever seen the movie hook? if you haven't, please watch it immediately. if you have, you'll feel me on this. quest crew is the new incarnation of the lost boys. d-trix even has the same hairdo as rufio.

after quest crew, beatfreaks went off!!!! again. seriously ladies, spice it up a bit. at this rate, you're gonna win the show- no contest. now, where's the fun in that?

here's where the trouble starts.
strikers all-stars and fly khicks are in the bottom two. i was cool with fly khicks when they beat the ringmasters but since then, they've been in the bottom three motherfucking times! doesn't that tell you something?

strikers had it tough. they were given a shitty song (pose by daddy yankee), and then asked to emulate the video, which is miles away from the type of dance they normally do. so to begin with, the boys are out of their element. then, in the middle of the routine my boyfriend mike (you know, the one who ditched obama for mtv) fucks up and does this ridiculous spinny airplane move because he can't find his place. the judges give him hell for it. then, right before they cut to break, they show him backstage pacing around, totally freaked that he just screwed the whole thing up for his crew.
you can already tell this is going to end badly.
at this point, i'm praying for strikers. hoping that fly khicks at least get a shitty song too, you know, to level the playing field. of course they don't.
they get pon de replay by rihanna, and then they show them backstage talking about how they have to wind like rihanna. winding? really? i came out of the womb knowing how to wind, and that's their challenge?
so, the girls come out and wind flawlessly, as if that's actually a difficult thing to do. during the judges commentary shane is like "yo, you dance like my sister buffy." my point exactly shane.

then there's this whole thing about how fly khicks is getting back to their roots by wearing baggy jeans. alright, listen bitches, the only thing i have ever seen you wear is booty shorts and bras. even with your baggy jeans you're wearing bras. could you please try to be beatfreaks just a little harder. maybe while you're at it you could take some dance lessons.

i think you already know what happens next.
when they announce that the judges chose to keep fly khicks instead of strikers, the girl stading in the front for fly khicks is like "what?!". even they were dumbfounded that they got to stay.
meanwhile, poor baby mike from strikers is biting his lip trying so hard not to cry on national tv. seriously though mike, i just want you to know, everyone messes up, and you are still a truly fine specimen of a man. if you need a shoulder to cry on, you know where to find me.
actually, i was getting a bit teary myself. the idea that i have to look at fly khicks again for another week is truly devastating to me. i swear to god if they make it into the top two, i'm breaking up with abdc.
then again, i think i say that every season.

love always

growing pains

a few days ago, i was peeing in my friend steff's bathroom, when the most recent issue of spin caught my eye. i picked it up, intrigued by the image on the cover; an impossibly skinny brunette, with a gawdy hairpiece and loads of makeup.


"who the fuck is this?!" i asked of steff


"lily allen" she answered.


i looked at the magazine again, comparing the porcelain doll on the cover to my mind's image of what lily allen is supposed to look like.


"why'd she lose so much weight?" is all i could think to say.


"she's really insecure" steff answered "she talks about it in the interview. it kinda made me like her more"





a few days later, i downloaded her new album it's not me, it's you. to be honest i was still a bit distressed by that photograph. since when did lily allen so uncanilly resemble katy perry? i loved her in her prom dress and sneakers, and i wanted her to stay that way.


listening to the album, i felt the same way all over again. i had become addicted to alright still after a traumatic breakup. every song was a gem, with some fantastically clever line hidden in the center. i had loved how simple and blunt and bratty it all was. on the new album, everything sounds shiny and glittery and polished.


in short, it bothered me. in fact, it bothered me so much that i felt compelled to listen to the album for as many times as it took for me to figure out why exactly it was so bothersome. it seemed most apparent on songs like not fair and never gonna happen. the kind of boy-bashing anthems that made alright still such a fun album in the first place. they were missing something. a spark, a flame, an emotion, anything. then it occured to me: she's lost her swagger.


immediately, i fashed back to what steff had said about how insecure she was and it all made sense. i've been through the same exact thing. you think you're tough shit, and then for whatever reason you fall off and you keep trying to get back up again, but it's lost. you can't repeat being naive enough to feel invincible, no matter how hard you try.

then again, who would want to? what lily allen seems to be experiencing is that heartwrenching process we like to call growing up and when taken for what it is, it's not me, it's you is a painfully accurate documentation of that. on everyone's at it she dissects that moment when drugs start to look gross rather than glamorous. chinese finds her playing house, and actually preferring it to all the hustle and bustle of her celebrity lifestyle. and in back to the start she reaches new levels of maturity by admitting to a friend that she acted like a catty bitch because she was jealous.



i still think that the dry british humor she's so well known for is a bit lacking on this album, but on the whole, it's quite endearing, and more importantly, relatable.

so i guess i owe lily allen a big huge apology. i'm sorry it took me so long to accept the fact that you're growing up. all i can say in my defense is that it's taken me longer to accept the fact that i'm growing up as well. i guess we all are.

love always

this is too good to wait till later

oh my word! the best thing ever has finally happened. mike jones is making a comeback!
my faith in the universe has been restored! i am convinced it is a sign from the heavens that a new era is dawning.
also, i love the new song by soulja boy kiss me through the phone. it is fantastically cheesey that i cannot help myself from becoming hopelessly addicted.

love always

back from the grave

it's been so freaking long since i've updated, but i swear, i have an excuse! i've been sick and cranky and trust me, non one should have to hear from me when i'm in that sort of a state. now, i'm almost all better and i have just one thing to say:
in regards to thursday's abdc episode, thank you god! i am certain that you heard my fervent prayers to have the ringmasters eliminated, and you have so graciously chosen to answer them. all i can do is express my unending gratitude for this small miracle, because watching those dudes was starting to make me nauseous.
yes, despite the fact that i was sick as shit, i did literally jump for joy when they announced that. also, since it was fly khicks that won the battle, i must say, i might be able to tolerate these bitches just a tiny bit more from now on.
other than that, it was a pretty uneventful show, all the crews that are usually good were still good
oh, wait! there was one more thing. the cloggers (dynamic addition) SMASHED IT! THEY SMASHED IT!
granted, mtv did kinda throw them a bone by allowing them to dance to achy-breaky heart, which is totally their favorite song ever, but still, they were pretty freaking flawless. way to go clay aiken!
poor beat freaks! they had to dance to pretty fly for a white guy.

in totally unrelated news, my friend made me watch hancock last night. i was not all that psyched about it, but it actually turned out to be really good. you should totally check it out.

love always

i am a sucker for all things fluffy

in regards to yesterday's post
the new weetzie bat was.....
just like the old weetzie bat.
weetzie ends up with my secret agent lover man (who is now called max, weird) even though he is a total buzzkill, but first there's lots of magical stuff. i think the last three lines of this book may in fact be the same last three lines from i was a teenage fairy
that being said, of course i loved it. it was great fun. there was creepy hermaphrodites, mermaids, elf-babies, goat boys, a spider-woman, a flying bride and yes, tons of hot clothes and delicious food to keep me drooling the whole way through.
but dude, witch baby shaved her head. that is so not even right. now all of us girls who loved her because we shared her tangly hair are left out in the cold, with no snarly-headed fictional heroines to relate to (except hermione, but she doesn't count because her hair is flat in the movies).
speaking of movies, i would love to see this book as a movie. baz luhrman should totally direct it, and robert pattinson would have to play the hot goat boy. i swear they were gonna make a dangerous angels movie, or was that just in the book?
in any case, it was pretty fab. unanashedly feminine, fashion-focused, and fantastical. i did not discover any hidden secrets about how to kiss better, or retain my youthful spunk well into adulthood, but i was quite inspired by weetzie's sparkly sense of style.
do y'all think pink vintage chanel qualifies as professional attire?

love always

celebrity sightings in assfuck, CT

(just so you know, i've been dying to post this entry for a week now)

okay, so, last weekend my besty, heater shows up at my house with this crazed look in her eyes

"we must go out and drink alcohol now please!"

this is a fairly common occurence druing the winter months in CT. you go stir crazy. it's too cold to leave the house so you stay inside for a few weeks and then all of a sudden something snaps in you and you stop giving a shit how cold it is, because you just have to get out there in the world and do something, which in CT during the winter, means drinking alcohol, because there's nothing else to do. i'm not even kidding you. it's like a bad horror movie.

so of course i agree to go out with heater, partly cause i love the bitch, and partly cause i can tell i'm on the verge of cabin fever myself. so we decide to do the unthinkable, something neither of us has done in years, something so desperately dangerous that to do so under normal circumstances would be foolish. we go to a keg party. in northford.

don't ask me where the fuck northford is. don't ask heater either, even though she drove us there. as far as i could tell we just ended up in front of this dude's house with heater's surrogate cousin nicky bristol.

the guy whose party this is, he's old. also, he's rich and so full of shit and coke that it's literally painful to listen to him speak. all he says is, "listen, listen, ok right, listen, this one time, listen, listen, ok, listen." and after about ten minutes of this we're like "WE'RE LISTENING! FUCKING SAY SOMETHING BESIDES 'LISTEN'!" so heater and i fake like we have to pee and run as far away from this guy as possible, which is when i lay eyes on him.

my dream boy.

i mean, literally, he is my dream boy because i dream about him every night.

and during the day, i daydream about him.

in short, he is the love of my life

EDWARD CULLEN!!!!!!!

yes, i know it's hard to believe that edward would be at a keg party, but i swear to you it was him. i could tell by his dreamy eyes and his bouffant hair-do. all i could think is i have to talk to him. so i fixed him with my infamous come-hither stare and of course, he came hither (they always do).

at first the conversation seemed to confirm my theory that he was in fact, edward cullen. he told me that he's a male nurse (edward would totally be a male nurse if he wasn't too busy stalking inncoent teenage girls) and that he played the piano. i was like omg! i must be dreaming! but then i asked him why he became a male nurse, and he said "well, i used to be a model. i mean, obviously right? look at me, i'm gorgeous. but then i decided that helping people is totally more important than being famous." and that's when i realized that he wasn't edward cullen. he was, in fact, a much bigger and better celebrity, the one and only derek zoolander. only he was disguised as edward cullen.



i know it, right? can you believe my luck?
as edlander is regalling me with semi-retarded, egotistical tales of his modeling days, heater jumps in and, being the lovably oberbearing bitch that she is, asks the question that's been on everyone's mind since edlander first proclaimed (rather loudly, i might add) that he was a male nurse.
"dude, are you gay?"
and at that point, my dream boy blurted out the most fantastical series of words i have ever heard spoken by antoher human.
"no, that would be a waste of my HUGE DICK" (yes, he really did say that)
over the course of the night he said many memorable things, such as
"what is up with you walking away from me to go to the bathroom. i've never hit on a girl and had her not be totally psyched about it. i have way too much pride to go chasing you around this party all night"
and also, when a drunkenly chivalrous nicky bristol decided to call him on the fact that he was being a self-absorbed waste of oxygen,
"why does this always happen to me. it must be because i'm so good looking"
at that point i took pity on the poor sould and gave him my phone number as like, a consolation prize for being the worlds biggest douchebag. also, because he sucks so bad it's funny, and i really wouldn't mind being seen in public with him. alas, he never called me. i'm crossing my fingers that i will run into him again, preferably when i'm drunk enough to not take him seriously, but until then i guess i'll just have to settle for getting hit on by normal boys.

love always