growing pains

a few days ago, i was peeing in my friend steff's bathroom, when the most recent issue of spin caught my eye. i picked it up, intrigued by the image on the cover; an impossibly skinny brunette, with a gawdy hairpiece and loads of makeup.


"who the fuck is this?!" i asked of steff


"lily allen" she answered.


i looked at the magazine again, comparing the porcelain doll on the cover to my mind's image of what lily allen is supposed to look like.


"why'd she lose so much weight?" is all i could think to say.


"she's really insecure" steff answered "she talks about it in the interview. it kinda made me like her more"





a few days later, i downloaded her new album it's not me, it's you. to be honest i was still a bit distressed by that photograph. since when did lily allen so uncanilly resemble katy perry? i loved her in her prom dress and sneakers, and i wanted her to stay that way.


listening to the album, i felt the same way all over again. i had become addicted to alright still after a traumatic breakup. every song was a gem, with some fantastically clever line hidden in the center. i had loved how simple and blunt and bratty it all was. on the new album, everything sounds shiny and glittery and polished.


in short, it bothered me. in fact, it bothered me so much that i felt compelled to listen to the album for as many times as it took for me to figure out why exactly it was so bothersome. it seemed most apparent on songs like not fair and never gonna happen. the kind of boy-bashing anthems that made alright still such a fun album in the first place. they were missing something. a spark, a flame, an emotion, anything. then it occured to me: she's lost her swagger.


immediately, i fashed back to what steff had said about how insecure she was and it all made sense. i've been through the same exact thing. you think you're tough shit, and then for whatever reason you fall off and you keep trying to get back up again, but it's lost. you can't repeat being naive enough to feel invincible, no matter how hard you try.

then again, who would want to? what lily allen seems to be experiencing is that heartwrenching process we like to call growing up and when taken for what it is, it's not me, it's you is a painfully accurate documentation of that. on everyone's at it she dissects that moment when drugs start to look gross rather than glamorous. chinese finds her playing house, and actually preferring it to all the hustle and bustle of her celebrity lifestyle. and in back to the start she reaches new levels of maturity by admitting to a friend that she acted like a catty bitch because she was jealous.



i still think that the dry british humor she's so well known for is a bit lacking on this album, but on the whole, it's quite endearing, and more importantly, relatable.

so i guess i owe lily allen a big huge apology. i'm sorry it took me so long to accept the fact that you're growing up. all i can say in my defense is that it's taken me longer to accept the fact that i'm growing up as well. i guess we all are.

love always