my reason for existing

i've just woken up from a very refreshing nap, after a sales meeting during which i completely saturated myself with sherry and jamon serrano. aaah, the good life...
there are however, very important matters to discuss. the time has come for yet another season of my most favoritest show america's best dance crew. we're about three episodes in, so basically, it's just starting to get good. for those of you who don't live under a rock, the show is on mtv, at 10pm eastern time.
now, let's talk about the crews.
beatfreaks- these badass chicks are currently my personal pick to win the season. they're sick, just sick, no other way to describe it. their movements are complicated, precise, clean and together, oh, and did i mention not slutty? as this is an as-of-yet unheard of concept on abdc i'm pretty psyched.

strikers all stars- another crew that actually knows how to dance! i think we may be apparoaching a new record here mtv! also, these boys are smokin', especially the one who got an invitation to perform at obama's inauguration, but ditched it to be on abdc instead. he so clearly has his priorities straight! i sure would love his phone number......

dynamic addition- oh my word, these people are cloggers. as in they wear clogs and bang around on the floor making lots of noise and looking like tools. they are also white as shit. i mean like, lily white, see-through white, twilight white, i don't know what else to call it. the group consists of four burly females, led by a very small man, who is clearly clay aiken's little brother. wouldn't you know, the audience loves them. i feel bad for them, but it's all just a bit too lord of the dance for me.

quest crew- cute asian boys. watching them reminds me of working at forbidden city. they're all so cute and asian i just want to pick them up and squeeze them until they turn blue.

fly khicks- ugh, another girl cheerleading crew. gag me with a motherfucking spoon. they're actually not anywhere near as bad as fembot five or any of the other cheer crews we've seen in the past, but still, give it a rest ladies, it's fucking exhausted.

team millenia- team millenia kinda reminds of fanny pak, only boooring. wicked cute girls, semi-gay boys. they dance well together, they just don't really stand out.

ringmasters- seriously, these boys should put an nc-17 rating on their performances, because they are hands-down the most disturbing thing i've seen in a good, long time. they don't even dance. they just sort of skulk around the stage looking like deranged convicts, showing the audience their weird double-jointedness. it reminds of being in school and having some dude come up and be like "hey wanna see something cool?" and then proceeding to perform some disgusting act like dislocating his shoulder or something. i'm totally waiting for one of them to shoot milk out of their eyeball across the cafeteria.

there were some other crews, but they've obviously been eliminated, and no one cares about them anyway.
last night's episode was, yup, you guessed it, a total crap carnival. (it was also britney spears night, yay!)
beat freaks and strikers all-stars went first, and i have to say, these two crews are so good it's almost boring. there's no element of surprise to their performance. you know they're gonna come out strong, you know they're gonna make everyone else look like a joke. there's no suspense. all good marks from the judges, of course.
the only exciting moment was when the girls in beat freaks flipped out because MTV tried to force them to be sluts and wear creepy clothes like britney. i must say, they handled it nicely. moderate coverage bustiers with menswear pants. sexy and classy.
then came dynamic addition. these poor souls had to dance on chairs for their physical challenge, and clay aiken's brother was all worried that they'd fall off. pussies! so they brought the chairs out and jumped up on them for literally two seconds and then proceeding to clog happilly around the stage to stronger. the girls were all wearing matching pink jackets and long blond wigs, and clay jumped off a chair.
during the judge's comments, shane let on that he was obviously shitfaced by proclaiming "i couldn't stop thinking about the movie white chicks." damn shane, that's cold. true, but cold.
next came quest crew in what was arguably the best routine of the night. their physical challenge was to dance blindfolded, and not only did they dance well, but one guy did a dive role through another guy's legs, blinfolded! i mean, seriously dude, that could've went wrong in so many ways. once the blinfolds came off they got totally femmey and somehow executed a dance that was complete and utter britney spears perfection. maybe they secretly have vaginas....
after quest crew, fly khicks came out and got girljuice all over the stage. let me state for the record, that i do not have a problem with these girls because they are sexy. i have a problem with them because they are sexy in a way that is contrived and embarassing.
and then, the moment of reckoning. it was team millenia against ringmasters in the bottom two. team millenia's routine was perfectly respectable. ringmasters on the other hand... i had to stop myself from getting up and punching a hole through the tv. they danced to circus of course, which was pretty fitting, except for the fact that their dance had no relevance whatsoever to britney spears, or to dancing in general for that matter. plus, their bone-crushing or whatever they call it, is just gross.
of course, lil' mama likes them because they're from brooklyn. so in typical abdc fashion, team millenia was eliminated in favor of a group of gimmicky freaks. i should've know that would happen, but for some reason i get my hopes up every single time. i'm already hoping that they'll get eliminated next week, but when the time comes we shall see.....

love always

i am a sucker for all things fluffy

in regards to yesterday's post
the new weetzie bat was.....
just like the old weetzie bat.
weetzie ends up with my secret agent lover man (who is now called max, weird) even though he is a total buzzkill, but first there's lots of magical stuff. i think the last three lines of this book may in fact be the same last three lines from i was a teenage fairy
that being said, of course i loved it. it was great fun. there was creepy hermaphrodites, mermaids, elf-babies, goat boys, a spider-woman, a flying bride and yes, tons of hot clothes and delicious food to keep me drooling the whole way through.
but dude, witch baby shaved her head. that is so not even right. now all of us girls who loved her because we shared her tangly hair are left out in the cold, with no snarly-headed fictional heroines to relate to (except hermione, but she doesn't count because her hair is flat in the movies).
speaking of movies, i would love to see this book as a movie. baz luhrman should totally direct it, and robert pattinson would have to play the hot goat boy. i swear they were gonna make a dangerous angels movie, or was that just in the book?
in any case, it was pretty fab. unanashedly feminine, fashion-focused, and fantastical. i did not discover any hidden secrets about how to kiss better, or retain my youthful spunk well into adulthood, but i was quite inspired by weetzie's sparkly sense of style.
do y'all think pink vintage chanel qualifies as professional attire?

love always

and the moral of the story is.......

i had a dream that reminded me of my vacation, and i woke up and realized that maybe i ought to wrap it up so i can write about something else.
the last couple days i had in california were much more mellow. i went to ironstone winery, hung out with my family, ate some good food, including thai spaghetti and meatballs, which was really bizarre. on friday, the day before i got home i got really sad, whether this was because i didn't want to leave or because i was dreading flying home in the middle of a freaking snow storm, i'm not entirely sure. either way, i felt very emotional.
actually, during my whole trip i felt pretty intensely emotional. there is something about being that far away from home that makes me feel vulnerable and anxious. i'm really attached to everything i surround myself with here, in connecticut, but what if i had a choice? what if i could choose to go somewhere else and get attached to a different set of things? maybe even a better set of things?
so this is the direction my thoughts have been taking since i've been home. just how much do i wanna stay in this cozy little box i've made for myself? the world is bigger than i thought, and i haven't even left the country yet.

love always

now that i know how to post pics....

okay,k, k. i've been home for almost a week and i still haven't even discussed the most fantastical part of my trip; san fransisco!
we went to san francisco on a wednesday and it was super nice and sunny out. as we drove into the city, i was literally swooning in the backseat. yes, folks, believe the stories. san francisco is fucking gorgeous. none of that grimey, gray sludge that coats the atmosphere in nyc. it's all blue skies and clean air and weird achitecture.

















in short, i'm in love.
after we parked the car, we took a trolley to chinatown, which is so way better than any other chinatown i've been to before. i mean, you can tell that you're in chinatown, not because it smells like fish, but because it looks chinese.










like, this building is a fucking bank. how cool is that?

we ate lunch at this place called brandy ho's. the food was remarkably similair to the food at forbidden city, but seriously, these people should win an award for having the best restaurant name ever.

aslo in chinatown, i shopped for super-cute, super-cheap clothes and jewels.
after chinatown, we walked back through the city to the car. on the way we hit up this crazy fountain, that is also a monument to martin luther king jr.













i looked pretty hot inside of it!


after that, we went to the filmore, which is a shnazzy nieghborhood that costs a million dollars to live in. we took the dog for a walk in the park and at the park we could see the whole city. sheryl said "it's like meeting a guy who's really hot, and really nice and he's totally into you.", which is in fact, exactly what it's like.
we ate dinner at spqr, and i'm still confused about why the hell food and wine named the pasta carbonara as one of the ten best dishes of the year, but somehow neglected to mention the insane lasagne, which almost had me rolling around on the floor it was so good.
so now that i'm in love with san fran, i think i will get super-rich so i can move there and live in a house that looks like this:



















or even better, one that looks like this:




















love always

berkeley, again

when i woke up on tuesday, i still felt a tad bit groggy, but mostly all better. i was pretty psyched to actually get out and do stuff since i had been such a lameass the day before. the first order of business was getting some food, and for that, we headed to pancake circus, the diveyest restaurant ever. i had the veggie benedict; english muffin, scrambled eggs, avocado, tomato and onion, all smothered in this insanely buttery hollandaise.
after breakfast, we decided to go back towards berkeley and hit up the meditation center that we skipped out on the night before. the drive there was pretty freaking amazing. we drove through sonoma to marin county, which is super pretty, and ended up at spirit rock which is even prettier. we weren't allowed past the gates because there was a silent retreat going on, but we climbed the beautiful hills instead and looked down at the whole thing from way up high. it was very hobbit-esque. check it out.



















after we departed the shire, we headed back to berkeley for some dinner with my uncle. we ate at this thai place cha-am , which i must say, serves some seriously boombangin thai. i ordered a simple dish of shrimp and scallops with veggies, garlic-chili sauce and brown rice, but it was perfectly done and i didn't stop eating it until i was uncomfortably full.
my uncle invited us back to his place for some pastries, tea and desert wine. i convinced him to give me this test to find out whether i'm "androgynous" (he's a psychologist). basically, the idea is that a someone who is healthy and balnced has equal high amounts of masculine and feminine qualities. i scored abnormally high on both the masculine and feminine parts. so basically, i'm a genius, but i've kind of had a hunch about that for a while...

love always

i suck at vacationing

So, to continue with my story....


after my horrific plane ride, i actually did land in sacramento. by that point, i was barely concious, but since this is my first time on the west coast, i tried to stay awake for the ride. we saw a del taco which was definately different than connecticut, but the thing i was most amazed by, was the fact that they have lemon trees and orange trees and grapefruit trees just growing in people's yards like it's nothing.


i slept like shit the first night, even though i was dead tired, but when i woke up, sheryl made ham and eggs and coffee, which was pretty awesome. then we walked the dog and i stole an orange off someone's tree, because i just had to taste it. i must admit, it was pretty slammin.


we headed off to berkeley around noon to visit my favorite uncle and go to a meditation thingie. the drive was so overwhelming for me, because everything looks so different here. and not in the way that i expected, either. yes, there are palm trees, but what's really crazy is the land itself. sometimes it rolls into these big green hills, and other times it flattens out completely, but it always looks bigger than in connecticut, and the sky looks bigger too.


by the time we got to berkeley i was so blown away and disconcerted that i really couldn't even focus. we hung out at my uncle's apartment for a bit, and then we decided to walk downtown and find food. on the way we saw these gorgeous flowers with these odd pod-like things attached to them, which we later found out were passion fruits. we also saw lavender plants, and sage and all sorts of fancy-smelling things, and the flowers were actually in bloom! in the middle of january!


we decided to eat at this vegan/raw restaurant called Cafe Gratitude . it was super cozy inside and the menu was huge. they have this whole gratitude theme going on as well. the food is called stuff like i am amazing, and when they bring it to you, they say "you are amazing". they also asked us the "question of the day", which was "what about your life is blessed?" i ordered the i am abundant sampler plate and although most of it tasted like your average health food, the hummus and the olive tapenade were super-tasty. i also had a killer dessert called i am bliss, which kind of resembled a chocolate cream pie and really was quite blissful.
the trouble started after our meal, when we were walking back to the apartment. all of a sudden, out of nowhere, i felt like i had swallowed a basketball. maybe it was all the dense vegan food i had just eaten, or maybe it was the fact that my whole body was still reeling from the traumatic night before, but of course i did not consider either of these possibilities. instead i panicked, and decided that i must be pregnant.
at that point we all decided that i was in no shape for sitting through an hour long meditation class. sheryl went to the elephant pharm to buy me a pee test, and we decided to just head back to the apartment and chill, which was nice because i really haven't seen my family (or at least this sect of it) in a long time. my uncle was very sweet, providing us with tea and plenty of little things to nibble and pick at. i fell asleep on the car ride home, and woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and ready to go......

love always

next time, i'm upgrading to first class

i swore that when i got to california i was going to write every single day, and of course i've been here 3 days and i haven't even written a word. it's not that i'm being lazy, it's just that there's too much to do! i'm beyond overwhelmed. i do however, feel that it's really important for me to document this stuff. i just need some time to process it all.
Like for example, the plane ride was so fucking traumatic that i had to wait a few days before i could even think about it again. what happened was, i left connecticut at noon for laguardia, and i didn't even arrive in sacramento until 1 am cali time (which is 4am CT time). So, yes, if you did the math, i spent sixteen hours traveling and it was HELL! The ride up to laguardia wasn't bad. we stopped for food and took our time. laguardia itself wasn't that bad either, although all they had in the bookstore was twilight so i had to read eclipse again, but even that was fine. the trouble started when i was actually all the way on the plane and we were taking off.
it's been five years since the last time i had flown prior to this, and i don't know if my body changed or if i just forgot, but holy mother of god, i hate flying. all the bizarre changes in pressure, the fact that the airplane seat is barely large enough to seat a five year old, plus my fear of heights as i watched new york city turn into this tiny speck of glitter, all of that together made me so sick that i literally had a panic attack in midair when i realized that i had to do it all over again once i got on my connecting flight.
and of course, the connecting flight was delayed, because, get this, someone on the plane before me had a medical emergency and they had to do an emergency landing at a hospital. i truly hope that whoever that was is feeling better and getting the best care they possibly can, but honestly, how often does that happen? my guess is only when i'm flying. so, the flight was delayed and the continental people were being total assholes about it, refusing to answer anyone's questions about when our flight was coming in, or what gate we were leaving from. i called everyone i know and cried about how i'd never leave the houston airport, and i'd be stuck there forever and then, we finally got on the plane and this jackass asked me to switch seats with his daughter so she sit closer to him and i felt bad, so i said yes and then i ended sitting next to a fat man in an aisle seat. at that point i gave up and ate one of the klonopin that my mom gave me and attempted to sleep through it, but alas, that stupid drink cart kept hitting me in the elbows and ankles. in short it sucked.
many more thngs happened after that, but i'm just getting started. more later.

love always