vega baja

i must tell you about vega baja, which i have decided, is the most armpit-ey place i have ever visited (sorry new rochelle). vega baja is located on a mountain. i assume, because of the name that it's at the bottom of the bottom, but i assure you, that doesn't make the possibility of falling off any less terrifying. and in vega baja that actually is a very real possibility because of the one lane road that zig-zags cartoonishly up the side of the mountain. you have to beep when rounding a corner so that anyone who might be on the other side knows you're coming.
we ended up in vega baja after our expedition to old san juan. we were trying to find morovis, the town in which fluff's family is located, but when our gps decided to spazz out and stop working, we ended up in vega baja instead. i wish i had thought to take better pictures, but we were completely lost, with no cell phone service, and emotions were running high.
the thing that sucks about being lost in vega baja is that there is nothing but houses, or rather, i should say shacks. there are no defining characteristics. no place to stop and ask for directions. just one broken down shanty after another. at one point we saw a row of cars parked all the way down the road and we got ou hopes up, but when we drove by, we found that it was just a larger shack, inside of which they were apparently holding cock fights. we were all too scared to park and get out right there. (even fluff, who is truly a fearless warrior).
finally we found a bodega across the street from a negocio, where we managed to get spotty cell phone reception. we tried asking for directions, but they looked at us like we were crazy, even though three of my fellow travelers speak fluent spanish and were literally born right down the street from where we were.
finally we managed to get in touch with fluff's dad and explain to him where we were. the instructions he gave us were to wait for him, he would come to us. so we parked outside the negocio and ordered beers for $1, which they let us bring into our car. we watched a toothless drunk sitting outside with a stray dog in his lap attempt to get up and promptly fall on his ass. finally, fluff's dad showed up with his aunt netty, who instructed us to follow her and then got us the hell out of vega baja, going like, 90 around all those scary curves.

love always

i'm totally not irish, but...

yesterday i got dragged to the hartford st. patty's day parade by steff, who has spent the past couple weeks making every single guiness sign in hartford (whoa!).
we went shopping the day before for some green gear that was appropriately flashy yet fashionably subdued. in other words, we wanted to go green without looking like every other girl in downtown hartford.
here's what i came up with

(i look uber-pissed, but i'm actually not. i am however quite innebriated in this particular photo)
mostly, it ended up being a good time. we started drinking around 10 am (car bombs and jameson on the rocks- yes, i'm hardcore). the parade included a fairly large number of grown men in skirts which was entertaining, but the cheerleader's uniform's were so short that i also saw a fairly large number of pre-teen asscheeks, which was a bit disturbing.
the other thing that was disturbing was the lack of public restrooms. they literally had two porto-potties for the whole parade, which meant that steff and i spent a lot of our day squatting behind various dumpsters.
when the parade was ending we decided to hit up spiritus to get our drink on in case the bars got too crowded. consequently, i ended up carrying around a bottle of cono sur pinot noir (one of joe schling's favorites for y'all that dont know about that) in a black bag like a straight-up hoodrat.
at that point, we were navigating through this intense, thick sea of people and every two seconds someone kept stopping me to be like "OMG!!! kanye west!!!". obviously, it was because of the shades. i mean, aside from them, i do not resemble kanye west in the slightest. but seriously people, did kanye west invent shutter shades? is he the only person in the world who has access to them? i get that he did indeed wear a pair of them once, but other than that, is there any reason to get so starstruck over a pair of glasses?
after a while, we thought it would be funny if we let vinnie wear them, because he bears a much stronger resemblance to kanye west than i. i didn't get to snap a pic with the glasses, but just try to imagine it

it really did look kinda convincing. the funny thing is that as soon as he put on the glasses, not one person came up to us. not one! perhaps they thought he really was kanye and they got intimidated.
in any case, a fun time was had by all. i've been hearing about this particular event for a really long time, but it never really caught my fancy. i'm glad that steff suggested it, because i plan on leaving CT as soon as i possibly can, and it really would've been a shame to miss such a crap carnival as this.

love always

i'm such a trendsetter

when i was just a wee lass of about twelve years old, i used to wear a studded dog collar to school. i think it goes without saying that i was teased mercilessly for it. but now, those of you who were doing the teasing can politely raise your hands and bow your heads in shame, because i have the pleasure of announcing that shit is officially in style!
not necessarily the dog collar, but the studs in particular. i've seen them everywhere. on shoes, shirts, bags, earings, you name it. i'm especially pleased about this because it means that i will be spared the embarassment of walking into hot topic just to purchase my studded accesories.
sometimes i get really possesive about fashion statements. like, if i've been rocking a particular style and all of a sudden everyone else is wearing it, i feel kind of jilted. studded accesories however, are one trend that i really don't mind sharing. i seriously love them that much. they are just so classic. i mean, nothing says badass better than the three-row pyramid belt.
the best example of this new trend that i've seen so far are these amazing sandals from urban outfitters. admiteddly, they are pricey as shit, but some things are just worth it.

love always

this is what us single folk do on valentine's

yet again, i am uber-late with the abdc update. can you tell that this new-england winter shit is really getting to me? it's like my cells are actually freezing, so that they're susupended, or moving in slow-motion or something. therefore, it is quite easy for me to lay around watching crappy tv, but formulating an actual opinion on it and then articulating that opinion is another thing entirely.

nevertheless, i will attempt it.

beatfreaks, i love you gals so much! especially adorable marys, who dedicated her performance to her late brother, who so sadly passed away before he even turned 18. after the performance, they showed her backstage telling her crew "i love you guys so much. you're my family." in her sweet accent. now, i really want her to be my new best friend.

also, this week i like beatfreaks better than quest crew again, because quest crew's performance was kinda whack.
strikers all-stars also gave kind of a weak performance, but they totally made up for it by being SEXY AS FUCK.
fly khicks and dynamic addition had to battle it out at the end, and y'all know how i feel about both these crews, but lo and behold, the cloggers actually learned how to dance! i've never seen clay aiken look so gangsta!
of course, as soon as i decide to like them they go and get eliminated. all because fly khicks know how to do splits in their booty shorts.
typical, abdc, so fucking typical.

love always

this is too good to wait till later

oh my word! the best thing ever has finally happened. mike jones is making a comeback!
my faith in the universe has been restored! i am convinced it is a sign from the heavens that a new era is dawning.
also, i love the new song by soulja boy kiss me through the phone. it is fantastically cheesey that i cannot help myself from becoming hopelessly addicted.

love always

my reason for existing

i've just woken up from a very refreshing nap, after a sales meeting during which i completely saturated myself with sherry and jamon serrano. aaah, the good life...
there are however, very important matters to discuss. the time has come for yet another season of my most favoritest show america's best dance crew. we're about three episodes in, so basically, it's just starting to get good. for those of you who don't live under a rock, the show is on mtv, at 10pm eastern time.
now, let's talk about the crews.
beatfreaks- these badass chicks are currently my personal pick to win the season. they're sick, just sick, no other way to describe it. their movements are complicated, precise, clean and together, oh, and did i mention not slutty? as this is an as-of-yet unheard of concept on abdc i'm pretty psyched.

strikers all stars- another crew that actually knows how to dance! i think we may be apparoaching a new record here mtv! also, these boys are smokin', especially the one who got an invitation to perform at obama's inauguration, but ditched it to be on abdc instead. he so clearly has his priorities straight! i sure would love his phone number......

dynamic addition- oh my word, these people are cloggers. as in they wear clogs and bang around on the floor making lots of noise and looking like tools. they are also white as shit. i mean like, lily white, see-through white, twilight white, i don't know what else to call it. the group consists of four burly females, led by a very small man, who is clearly clay aiken's little brother. wouldn't you know, the audience loves them. i feel bad for them, but it's all just a bit too lord of the dance for me.

quest crew- cute asian boys. watching them reminds me of working at forbidden city. they're all so cute and asian i just want to pick them up and squeeze them until they turn blue.

fly khicks- ugh, another girl cheerleading crew. gag me with a motherfucking spoon. they're actually not anywhere near as bad as fembot five or any of the other cheer crews we've seen in the past, but still, give it a rest ladies, it's fucking exhausted.

team millenia- team millenia kinda reminds of fanny pak, only boooring. wicked cute girls, semi-gay boys. they dance well together, they just don't really stand out.

ringmasters- seriously, these boys should put an nc-17 rating on their performances, because they are hands-down the most disturbing thing i've seen in a good, long time. they don't even dance. they just sort of skulk around the stage looking like deranged convicts, showing the audience their weird double-jointedness. it reminds of being in school and having some dude come up and be like "hey wanna see something cool?" and then proceeding to perform some disgusting act like dislocating his shoulder or something. i'm totally waiting for one of them to shoot milk out of their eyeball across the cafeteria.

there were some other crews, but they've obviously been eliminated, and no one cares about them anyway.
last night's episode was, yup, you guessed it, a total crap carnival. (it was also britney spears night, yay!)
beat freaks and strikers all-stars went first, and i have to say, these two crews are so good it's almost boring. there's no element of surprise to their performance. you know they're gonna come out strong, you know they're gonna make everyone else look like a joke. there's no suspense. all good marks from the judges, of course.
the only exciting moment was when the girls in beat freaks flipped out because MTV tried to force them to be sluts and wear creepy clothes like britney. i must say, they handled it nicely. moderate coverage bustiers with menswear pants. sexy and classy.
then came dynamic addition. these poor souls had to dance on chairs for their physical challenge, and clay aiken's brother was all worried that they'd fall off. pussies! so they brought the chairs out and jumped up on them for literally two seconds and then proceeding to clog happilly around the stage to stronger. the girls were all wearing matching pink jackets and long blond wigs, and clay jumped off a chair.
during the judge's comments, shane let on that he was obviously shitfaced by proclaiming "i couldn't stop thinking about the movie white chicks." damn shane, that's cold. true, but cold.
next came quest crew in what was arguably the best routine of the night. their physical challenge was to dance blindfolded, and not only did they dance well, but one guy did a dive role through another guy's legs, blinfolded! i mean, seriously dude, that could've went wrong in so many ways. once the blinfolds came off they got totally femmey and somehow executed a dance that was complete and utter britney spears perfection. maybe they secretly have vaginas....
after quest crew, fly khicks came out and got girljuice all over the stage. let me state for the record, that i do not have a problem with these girls because they are sexy. i have a problem with them because they are sexy in a way that is contrived and embarassing.
and then, the moment of reckoning. it was team millenia against ringmasters in the bottom two. team millenia's routine was perfectly respectable. ringmasters on the other hand... i had to stop myself from getting up and punching a hole through the tv. they danced to circus of course, which was pretty fitting, except for the fact that their dance had no relevance whatsoever to britney spears, or to dancing in general for that matter. plus, their bone-crushing or whatever they call it, is just gross.
of course, lil' mama likes them because they're from brooklyn. so in typical abdc fashion, team millenia was eliminated in favor of a group of gimmicky freaks. i should've know that would happen, but for some reason i get my hopes up every single time. i'm already hoping that they'll get eliminated next week, but when the time comes we shall see.....

love always

why must YOU cry? i mean really, stop it....

i've been in kind of a rut lately. nothing too serious (although, i promise you, at times, it feels serious). just your typical quarter-life crisis, i-feel-like-i-sold-my-soul-because-i-work-in-a-semi-coprporate environment type shit. i've asked countless people about how i should go about fixing this, and everyone has answered in a typical fashion.


find a hobby.


the thing is, i have plenty of hobbies. i write. i collect vintage. i read with obsessive fervor, but these are all solitary things to do, and what i'm craving more than anything is a feeling of connectedness, of teamwork. so, i began scanning craigslist looking for a group creative endeavor. anyone who has ever read craigslist in connecticut knows that the majority of posts basically say "i'm looking for a teenage model to come to house so i can date-rape her" and for quite some time my search was fruitless.


then, i saw the ad for gold fangs (yeah, for real)


this guy had posted numerous times before searching for actors and actresses for a short film in my area. i had never payed attention for whatever reason, but the idea of gold fucking fangs was too much for me to ignore. to be honest, the fantasy going on in my head was somewhere between the never-ending story and interview with the vampire (because the twilight vamps don't have fangs).


so i sent out an e-mail, expecting to get a response from some dorky film student about the sci-fi fantasy flick he was creating. i figured that at the very least, i might be able to meet some hot nerdy boys whose virginty i could steal, but no, oh no, my life does not work that way.


instead i received an e-mail from reh dogg, who according to an article in our local newspaper, won some award for the worst you-tube video of the year. i can only imagine the fierce competition he was facing for that coveted title. after watching it though, i guarantee you, this man deserved it. (if you are in need of some serious lulz, go check it out, it's called "why must i cry)


then, reh dogg follows up with an e-mail inviting me to view some of his work, including the gold fangs movie which i was so damn psyched about. seriously people, words could not do it justice.

at a certain point i just had to accept that god is playing a cruel joke on me, but it's a good joke, and i have no choice but to keep laughing.

love always