daddy's day

every year on father's day, i make my father dinner. i drive up to his apartment with my car full of groceries and force him to gorge himself on the type of greasy, bad-for-you fare that he normally attempts to stay away from. only this year, i can't. i can't make my dad dinner on father's day because he is no longer just a car ride away. he's in a strange and distant land otherwise known as california. so, while everyone i know is planning some sort of grand tribute to their fathers (or their baby's fathers), i'm left wishing that i got to spend father's day with my daddy.
you know how some people grew up taking their father's for granted? i never really had that problem. with a father like mine, that would be kind of impossible. my dad was everything a dad was supposed to be; practicing softball with me when i wanted to try out for little league, showing up to every single dance recital and school play i was ever in (trust me, there were many), hating on any boys who dared to think they might be good enough to date me. even when my parents split up, my father was never the absent type. he encouraged me, supported me and loved me through every awkward phase and minor drama exactly the way a good father should.
the most important thing my father did for me however, goes far beyond the realm of basic parental nurturing. in short, my father showed me how to live.
my father is, and always has been, a free spirit. never one to conform, he sold drugs in high school and wasted his college years on art. even crazier, he was the only man brave enough to impregnate my mom (she's a crazy bitch, but, you know, the good kind).
the thing is, my father could have so easily fallen into that whole flaky artist/slacker thing that's so common amongst the creative folk, but he didn't. my dad holds a steady, respectable job (i think his official title is evil computer genius), in addition to finding time for more fulfilling pursuits such as teaching pottery to teenagers, going rowing with his girlfriend and learning to speak spanish. and yes, he's still an amazing father, sometimes taking up to ten phone calls a day from my whiny ass.
i'm not saying that he's superman or anything, but my daddy ain't no slouch! he takes his responsibility as a human being very seriously. he operates with a firm concsience and an open heart. he does what he feels is right rather than making excuses to do what he wants when it's wrong. he communicates openly and honestly with the people he loves. and most importantly, he lives passionately, taking risks and daring to love deeply no matter how many times he's been hurt or knocked down.
in a world that can be at times, so harsh and so cold, i feel so infinitely grateful to have been blessed with such a strong male role model. in my most difficult and desperate moments, i look to my father as a reminder that love exists, that people can be good, and that it's possible to live a life outside the norms of society without giving up one's integrity and ambition.
i'm finally coming to a place in my life where i feel happy to be who i am. i look back at all the events that have led me here and i can't help but feel that i owe so much of my progress to my father. nobody else in this world could have raised me the way that he did. even though he's not here for me to say it to in person, i still feel like so lucky to have such an excellent father to honor today.

daddy, i miss you so much today. i wish i could spend father's day with you, but since i can't, my second wish is for you to know that i love you more than words could ever express.
happy father's day!!!!

love always