holiday

I finally had an actual vacation! Like, as in, I got on a plane and went somewhere new and different for fun. Not for work, not for some tedious family obligation, and certainly not anywhere near CT (even though I don't live there anymore, something about it is like, the anti-vacation). I went to San Diego to visit Scarlet and Geoff in their cute new house and celebrate the 4th of July by drinking copious amounts of alcohol and eating way too much food.
The best thing about Scarlet and Geoff's new house is their shower, for sure. I noticed their amazing shower curtain first, with it's impeccable detailing and flawless craftsmanship. Would you believe they sourced it all the way from Target?! Astounding! After cooing over it for like an hour when I first arrived, I was awed to find, the next morning, that behind this masterpiece lies the most fabulous mint-green tile I have ever seen! Of course I promptly forced Scarlet to take slutty photos of me standing in front of it.Unfortunately, the colors didn't come out the way I had hoped, but I promise you, it was the mintiest mint I've ever seen!
Also, check out my outfit! I got the cover-up at H+M and I've been dying to wear it ever since. I was so pumped for this trip, because unlike the Bay, San Diego actually gets beach weather. I wanted to wear my cover-up and get a tan and drink pina coladas! Alas, it was totally grey the entire time I was there, and I only actually wore this outfit for the above photo. Goddamn June gloom!
We still totally had a blast, though. On the first night, we went to this dive bar where they had this old chick handing out these awesome patriotic accessories.

We found some randoms and bought them home with us.
When the sun came up in the morning, Scarlet and I were still awake watching creepy videos like this one.
We slept for approximately five minutes. Geoff made waffles in the morning and Scarlet and I lit things on fire to make bananas foster. Then Scarlet and Geoff had a party.
Lots of people came and we ate lots of food and drank lots of beer and vodka. We went to see the fireworks at the ocean.We sat on top of this cliff and watched the fireworks explode over the water. It was dark out and the waves were crashing over all these dark, jagged looking rocks. It was one of those moments where it's so pretty you wish you could share it with everyone, so you sit there clicking the shutter on your camera, attempting to record it somehow, but eventually you just give up because you know it'll never look as beautiful as it did in person.
After the fireworks, we walked back to the house. There was another fireworks display going off in the distance. We couldn't see the actual fireworks, but it lit up the sky and made it look like magic. We stayed up drinking, yet again, until the wee hours of the morning, and by the time I got on the plane on Monday morning I was in this bizarre, slightly blissful half hungover state that lasted a good twenty four hours. I guess that's how you know you've had a vacation, right?
love always

pride

So, I went to the gay pride parade in San Francisco and it was pretty fucking fantastic.
I've been to gay pride parades on the East Coast, and while I was never entirely unimpressed by the spectacle of it all, I always felt like a bystander. A mere observer. Someone who is not allowed to truly take part in all the glittering festivities because I, myself, do not identify as gay. I have often found myself wishing there was a holiday in which heterosexuals were allowed to parade through the streets wearing nothing but a sparkly g-string. (and trust me, I get it. In our culture everyday is a celebration of heterosexuality. I just wanna wear the damn g-string!)
Prior to this event, all my friends assured me that it would in fact, be entirely acceptable for me to walk around in a sparkly g-string. I was planning to go all crazy with my outfit, constructing some elaborate costume-thing. But then I went to this party on Friday night and ended up spending Saturday throwing up and eating chocolate sorbet and burnt caramel ice cream from ici in an attempt to cure my hangover and I woke up on Sunday with nothing planned, or even laundered for that matter. So, I threw on some jeans and a fancy halter, hopped on BART (which was swarming with folks in rainbow tutus) and set off to meet my friends at Oona's office, which is three stories up and has floor to ceiling windows. Straight VIP status, I tell you!
From the second I got off the train, I could tell this was a different scene than I was used to. I swear to god, it felt like everyone in the entire city had shown up to watch this thing. I don't know how to say this without being totally cheesy, but I found it tender, heartwarming, touching that an entire city would show up to honor gay pride. Not to hate on my hometown, but where I'm from, there are people who wouldn't go to a gay pride parade if you paid them. Pathetic, I know. To most folks from the Bay Area, I imagine that it's no surprise to see their community united this way. It's a well known fact that San Francisco is a notoriously accepting city, not only of gays, but of people from all different walks of life. Still, to me it was really special to know that a place exists where being gay (or a sex-worker, or a radical, pagan feminist, etc.) is not only allowed, it's simply not a big deal. I got hollered at by mad straight dudes who showed up for gay pride and no matter how annoying it may have been (I had one dude scream down the street at me “Girrrl, you got a fattyyy!!”) that's actually kind of cool when you think about it.
Plus, the parade was breathtaking:So, yeah, I was getting all emotional, not to mention tipsy and feeling so damn warm and fuzzy that I failed to notice I was missing THE BACKSTREET BOYS!!!!!! They played a set after the parade and I was too busy holding hands with my girlfriends and crying happy tears into my gin and tonic to realize what the fuck was going on. The shame! The horror!

After I finally recovered from that massive heartbreak (2 seconds later), we decided to walk down to the castro, where, sure as shit, everyone was still out and about celebratin'. Oh, except for this chick:We started talking to her because Oona wanted to adopt her cat, but unlike most of the people you encounter posted up on city sidewalks, this woman was actually making sense. She told us this story, how she came from a small town in Ohio and couldn't wait to get out, how she was young and wild and having the time of her life in good old SF, and then, how she found she had HIV and her life fell apart. The saddest thing about her story was the earnestness with which she described attempting to get government assistance and then realizing that all the money that is supposed to be helping people like her is actually being embezzled by fat cat politicians who are using it as a means to their own end. I can't guarantee that she isn't full of shit or batshit crazy, but it was a good reminder that if you're donating to charity and you don't fully research or understand the causes you're donating to, you may as well be throwing your money in the trash for all the good it's doing.This chick is like, 60 years old and has been living with AIDS for years now. Can you imagine how beautiful she must've been when she was younger? And the whole bit about being from a small town and moving to San Francisco and loving it? That could've been me! Seriously people, if you're shelling out money to some random charity just so you can feel like you're doing something good, please stop. Find a legit program that's actually out there helping real people.

After all that heavy shit (plus a failed attempt at using a public bathroom) we were in desperate need of a drink. We found this place that basically looked like a swanky hall of mirrors and settled in with some dark and stormys

I took random photos in the bathroom.

Then we took off to another bar, where we engaged in more debauchery.This is where things start to get a bit blurry. Drunk drama, an insufferably long wait for the BART, I may have even eaten mcdonald's (ugh). Still, it was all so fucking worth it. I might not be gay, but when it comes to being part of a community that knows how to unite and truly go wild in celebration of our differences, I'm totally fucking proud.

love always

time and space

Finally.....
A moment to breathe.
I wish I could spend all day writing in this thing, telling you about every single one of my fabulous adventures. Alas, I am too busy having them. And also, you know, working and sleeping and doing normal stuff (what a bother!)
I do have to say though, as of late, I believe I have become more adventurous...and more fabulous! Last weekend was a wild dance party on treasure island.

Look at that breathtaking view!!! Look at those palm tress!

Look at that sunshine!Look at my adorable friends! I live in California now! Can you fucking believe it?!

Admittedly, I love it here. Since I moved, I have been happier, healthier, more centered and at the same time, crazier than I ever would have believed possible. Do I think it's because I live in California now? No. Do I think it's because I actually had the balls to pick up my shit and move out here? Do I think it's because I faced down one of my worst fears and actually left the place where I felt safest and most secure? Yes, yes, a million times, yes! The best advice I can give you in this entire life is to find what scares you most and then do it until you're not scared anymore.
With that being said, there is a very special place in my heart that is still entirely owned by lovely little Middletown, Connecticut. I visited a few weeks ago. It was my first time back in six months! I have never before spent that amount of time away from Middletown.There was a part of me that felt, without me there, that it might have just disappeared or vanished into thin air.
But no, of course it was still there. In all it's humid, thunderstorm summertime glory, smelling exactly the same as it did when I was sixteen. And even more amazing, all the people that I love had somehow survived and were just as sweet and warm and cozy as I remembered them.
My Mom, who somehow seems to only get more beautiful as she gets older.
Amy's doll Erin, who somehow became a mini woman since I left home.
Tiffany, who somehow manages to not burst into flames from her perpetual hotness.
Mojo, who somehow got even cuter AND sassier since I saw her last.
And Amy, who somehow always leaves me shocked and awed that any one person could be such a good friend.

So many beautiful, inspiring women! There was a part of me that didn't want to leave these girls, and at the same time, I was starting to miss the bay. What's a girl to do when her heart lives in two places at once? I closed my eyes really tight and made a wish that the town where my heart lives would somehow join forces with the city I am in love with and make a baby, but then I realized, if they did, it would look just like me.
love always

valentine

This year for Valentine's day, I am without a valentine for the first time in four years. Admittedly, it feels a little odd to not be enacting the Valentine's tradition I shared with my ex - dinner at forbidden city, accompanied by copious amounts of wine - but I'm not yet at the point in my singledom where I feel bitter or slighted.

So, I'd like to celebrate with what is undoubtedly my most favorite piece of romantic poetry ever. In a way, this is my Valentine to myself. If I were to receive a Valentine, I would want it to say exactly this, as I have always fantasized that in some strange, far-off, magical way, this poem in in fact, for me (I do have rather tiny hands you know..)
But this is also my Valentine to you, to the entire universe, with love....

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
by E. E. Cummings
somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond any experience,your eyes have their silence: in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which i cannot touch because they are too near your slightest look easily will unclose me though i have closed myself as fingers, you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens (touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose or if your wish be to close me, i and my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly, as when the heart of this flower imagines the snow carefully everywhere descending; nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals the power of your intense fragility:whose texture compels me with the color of its countries, rendering death and forever with each breathing (i do not know what it is about you that closes and opens;only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses) nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

love always

golden age

"Bright moments always come back vivid..."

you know those times in your life that stay all lit up in your memory? Times when things felt effortless, easy and perfect? Times when all the people and places and things in your world just seemed to fit?
I have been lucky enough in my 25 years, to be able to say that I've got quite a few of those memories. In the past I've stumbled onto moments, periods, eras that feel so right they could only have been destined. It is in these times that I've found reasons to keep existing, to keep trying, to keep persisting.
Only, it's been a while. It's been raining here for like, two weeks straight (which feels like an eternity) I've been working and fighting and holding it down, and I'm tired, and I need, I mean really need to slip into that mode where the world just sort of starts happening around me and I can relax and know that everything is going to be not just alright, but perfect and blissful.
So I've created a plan. I've simply decided to be in that place, right now.
Beginning at this very moment, I am going to fall in love with the city I've moved to and it's going to love me back. I am going to be surrounded by beautiful and interesting and charming people, and when I have the misfortune to come across someone unpleasant, I am not going to take their behavior personally, but rather I will laugh and feel sorry for them. I am going to have adventures fall in my lap so often that I will have the freedom to pick and choose exactly which opportunities I will take advantage of. I am going to protected by a magical circle of love and starlight and sunsets and bubblegum.....and you know what the key to all of this is?
i don't have to worry about a fucking thing. I've made my decision and I'm pretty sure that for that reason alone, all of this is true.

love always

peace out 2009, it's been real

It's hard to believe this past year has actually come to an end. I remember this time one year ago, thinking on my future and wondering where I might be in a year. It was a strange time in my life. I had just come out of a long, hard relationship, suffered a scathing rejection from the first boy I had dated in 4 years, dragged my mother out of the depths of a dark depression and into a brand new condo, which I was living in with her at the time, oh, and I was working a job that I absolutely hated but wasn't quite ready to admit that to myself yet.

In the midst of all this bleakness, I found a ray of hope to latch onto. My horoscopes for the year, every single one, were unanimously predicting that 2009 would be the year that I would find true love. I know what you're thinking "don't all horoscopes say that all the time?" or "why would you put that much faith in astrology?" There are a few different explanations. One is that I am hopelessly obsessed with my horoscope, as you may or not know from past posts. But the other is far more personal, and I'd imagine, easier to relate to as well. I believed that this was true because I wanted it to be true.

I wanted to fall in love with a vengeance unlike any other I had ever experienced. My life was in shambles. There was no easy solution. The best circumstances I could imagine at the time involved a charming man on a white horse (or similarly symbolic mode of transportation) swooping in to pull me out of the dark depths to which my life had sank and into a safe, happy bubble of blissful romance.

But in 2009 I did not fall in love. I went on a few dates (but, to my surprise, promptly pulled away as soon as things started to get even a bit emotional). I spent an inordinate amount of time with my ex, who despite his multitude of wonderful qualities, is decidedly not the one for me. But nowhere, at no point, in no way did I, in 2009, fall in love.

Now to some, this may seem a bit depressing. It may reek of loneliness and desperation and cold nights spent at home with no one but my cat to keep me company. But the fact that I did not fall in love this year is, in retrospect, the best thing that's ever happened to me (and I swear I'm not just saying that to make myself feel better).

In January of 2009, I hopped on a plane, for the first time in five years, to visit my dad in California, at the time, a further distance than I had ever traveled. And this seemingly small, inconsequential action set off a chain reaction that consumed and ignited and took charge of my life for the entire rest of the year. This week-long vacation set in motion a chain of events which pulled and compelled me towards bigger and greater and more outrageous outcomes than I had previously ever dreamed myself capable of.

Shortly after this trip, I was asked to leave the job that I would not allow myself to admit that I hated. I then, spent the money from my settlement check on a vacation to puerto rico, supplementing my income with a job that was neither serious, nor enduring. I left that job just in time to take advantage of a new opportunity, which ultimately led me on a cross-country adventure to a new home in a new place that one year ago today, I had never even visited.

In the past year, I have more than made up for the five years in which I did not fly. I've been back and forth and all around this country so many times it makes me dizzy to think about it. I've seen things in person that I had previously only imagined. I've seen things in myself that I had previously only imagined; a newfound sense of independence, bravery, determination. I've created a home for myself in a brand new place, complete with friends and pets and a job, rather than letting my home and my friends and my job create me. And I like myself a million times better because of it.
No, this year was not ecstatic every single second. It was no easy ride down the side of a rainbow. It was hard. It was fucking terrifying. It was heartbreaking. But in the end, it was so worth it I cannot even explain.
So, I'm happy to report, now that it's all said and done, 2009 was NOT the year that I found true love. Instead, I found something better. I found myself. And as for my love life...there's always 2010.

love always

sometimes you just know

ahh, what a crazy, mixed-up world we live in. nothing is ever as it seems, at least for any fixed length of time. things change and evolve, shifting shape right before your very eyes just when you think you've got it all figured out. sometimes a situation can seem so certain, so right, so meant to be and then wham! out of nowhere mercury retrograde comes sweeping through in all it's stubborn reluctance to let go of the past and you're left standing in the ruins of what you thought was a really fucking good idea.
such is the nature of things, and also, exactly what happened to me this past week. i waited so long and i was so cautious, taking care not to jinx any opportunities or count my eggs before they hatched, but still it all went up in flames and now i'm left confused and uncertain, trying to make sense of a situation that's been blown completely out of my control. what can you do in times like these but sit and wait? try and be still and listen to your heart.
when i flew to san francisco a few weeks ago, i believed i was going to there to make an impression, to influence a decision. instead, what i discovered while i was there is that the decision does not truly matter. while it may be difficult to discern underneath the fear and uncertainty about what my future holds, there is one thing my heart knows for sure; i absolutely adore the entire bay area.

every time i leave, i tell myself that i imagined it. that no place in the world is truly as magical as i remember that place being, that i'm embellishing the memory. but no, at this point i truly don't think i am. this past visit, while cruising around berkeley and trying to get a feel for my new home, i stumbled, literally stumbled, onto this amazing treasure trove: a farmer's market, the likes of which i have never even imagined here in CT. trust me when i tell you, it makes my beloved whole foods look like a joke.
tomatoes, like jewels in every shape, size and color imaginable

squash that look like spaceships and a completely new discovery, the lemon cucumber!

a rainbow of peppers that you could literally smell like, a block away.

after the farmer's market, in need of refreshment, we stopped at the nearest coffee shop/bakery. forgive me, i can't remember the name, but it was really the most adorable thing.

we ordered iced coffee and a pistachio macaroon!!!!


the macaroon was perfect! floaty and sugary on the outside with a layer of creamy goodness in the middle.

yup! it was the macaroon that made my mind up for me. this is the place i wanna live.

love always

a diva is a female version of a hustler

you may have noticed that there's been a general lack of blogging going on over here. allow me to explain: i have recently embarked on a perilous and passionate quest to find the best job ever.
what that entails to me (i assume it's different for everyone) is opportunity for rampant international travel, plus enough room for my ginormous creative spirit to stretch out in, and of course, an assload of moneys.
as you might imagine, jobs like this are not exactly easy to come by (especially in tough times like these). so, i implore you to please excuse my absence, while i search for this elusive dream. i promise i'll make it up to you later with riveting tales of my glamorous and exotic new career.

love always

let's talk about baz luhrmann please

i totally meant to write something about just how much i adore baz luhrmann right after i watched australia, but i never got around to it because i was too busy crying about how freaking adorable nullah is.

in any case, baz luhrmann is my favorite director ever, without a doubt. so when i read today that he's gonna be directing a movie version ofthe great gatsby, which is my favorite book ever, without a doubt, i pretty much did cartwheels all around my condo despite the sweltering heat and lack of a/c.
the tool who wrote the stupid article was concerned that the new version won't be "american" enough. if by american he means dull and polluted, then he's probably right. here's what's going to happen: baz luhrman is going to come in and make the whole thing into a huge fucking sparklefest. personally, i think this is a good thing.
i have never been let down by luhrmann's work. the images in his movies appeal to me on such a deep, subconscious level. they've been with me for so long and they mean so much to me, it's like you could use them to make a map of my heart.


love always

i have a new girlcrush

i went to see beyonce on thursday night, and i must tell you, she was so insanely good. i'd never really given her a second thought before. i admired the fact that she has always been fearless about flaunting her curves, and i assumed that she must have a big heart to be able to get past the fact that jay-z is hands down, the ugliest human being on earth (no matter how rich and talented he is). i kept a few of her songs on my ipod for those days when i felt like being super girly, but would have never considered myself an actual fan.
then, by some brilliant stroke of luck, i somehow managed an invite to the super-special, private, vip party thrown by moet in the top box. in all honesty, i could have been seeing fucking nickelback and i probably would've still loved it because of a). the amount of champagne involved and b). the idea of being glared at enviously by the paltry masses who had to sit in regular old seats. if i had been able to figure out how to use the camera on my new phone, i would now be bombarding you with pictures of my insane glamouressness.
on the other hand, i think i would've been pretty floored by beyonce even if i was sitting in the worst seat in the house behind some fat, drunk guy who smelled like ass. the second that she came out, she owned that entire stadium. something about her energy is just larger than life. she had about eight million costume changes and everytime she left the stage you could literally feel her absence. when she smiled, i could see it from all the way up where i was sitting and it made me want to smile too.
her stage show, with all it's glitter and costumes and special effects felt like something i would've dreamed up as a little girl. she looked unapolagetically gorgeous, with all this fake wind blowing her long hair around, and she danced flawlessly the whole time in high heels. it was so over-the-top fabulous that i felt like i had been sucked into some kind of super-girly alternate universe (this is where i think all the moet had a big influence).

and that's the other thing, her performance was so female-centric and y'all just know how i go weak in the knees for the super-feminine. every single musician on her stage (all eight-hundred of them) was female and she made a point of mentioning that to the audience. she sang songs about loving yourself, being proud of your accomplishments, not needing anyone or anything else to survive. i think it was during the part where she asked the audience to sing irreplaceable when i realized that i was surrounded by a sold-out stadium full of girls all singing about how they don't need a man and feeling totally empowered by that.
it occured to me then, that beyonce is more than just a pop singer. she's a feminist icon, making room in this world for more girls to be sexy, glamorous, succesful, proud of the bodies that they were born with and still maintain their dignity, class and self-respect. how often does she mention the fact that she makes her own money without ever relying on a man? i never really noticed before, but it's like every two seconds. that is the message that i want my unborn daughters to hear; go out in the world and make your own way, so that you can make your own rules.


as you can probably tell, i left this show feeling so inspired, so empowered, so reassured and validated, that in the course of the past twenty-four hours i have become beyonce obsessive. songs that used to sound like pop fluff to me, now sound like pure musical genius for no other reason than that they make me feel good. and everyone knows that the world could certainly use a little more of that.

love always

bring on the karma baby!

on the 21st of this month, there's supposed to be a huge solar eclipse. the longest of the 21st century! unfortunately, all us middletown folk will not be able to see it. it will be visible only to people living in china or the pacific ocean, who i am now insanely jealous of.
according to penny thornton whose horoscopes i follow obsessively on astrolutely , "eclipsed new moons bring new beginnings, which is an entirely positive process, however, the way those new beginnings come in could be disturbing. if you go along with the notion of karma- the spiritual law of cause and effect- you might like to think of eclipses as karmic points- periods in which the harvest of past actions is reaped, and the seeds of of future events are sown."
normally this sort of proclamation would send me into a panic, obsessing over every little thing i've done wrong and wondering in what awful ways god would choose to smite me, but for some reason, i'm cool with it. when i look back at my past actions, i feel pretty happy. i'm no angel, but especially recently, i think i've run my life with a fair bit of integrity, grace and compassion. i may have had my ups and downs, but i've worked really hard to not betray myself and that, i think is what makes for the best karma.

love always

it's all about me, me, me, me, me!

when i was in something like sixth grade, i had this shirt from contempo casuals that said worship me like the goddess i am. it was pink and adorable. the only problem was that the words were written in this elaborate cursive scrawl that was a bit hard to make out and so people would always come up to me and be like "who's the goddess jam? i never heard of her..." and i'd just be like "duh, loser, it says 'worship me the like the goddess i am' so, you know, get on your knees bitch"

i'm not even exagerating. i was like that all the time as a preteen, and most of the time as a full-blown teen as well. then, something happened. call it whatever you want. getting lame. getting old. getting a conciense. one day, i just went too far and i hurt someone who i cared about and all of a sudden i became aware of other people's feelings, and then the next thing you know, i was taking responsibility for other people's feelings, and soon after that, there was no room left for my own feelings, so i pushed them off to the side and with them went my self-esteem, my lust for life, my faith in god, not to mention my sex-drive, my social life and a whole slew of other things that no longer seemed important. i was being noble. i was being humble. i was doing the right thing .
and eventually i would be rewarded for it
but i wasn't rewarded for it. i don't know what i expected, except maybe for the sky to open up and shower me with blessings, but it sure wasn't happening. even worse, i found that when i neglected my own feelings to pick up the slack for others, they rarely did the same for me. still for some sick reason, i perservered. i was determined to be selfless, because i thought of that as a good thing.
now, i look at that word and it seems so accurate. self less. without my self, there was less of everything. less love. less fun. less faith. the truth is, i ain't no martyr. i do really, genuinely want everyone in the whole world to be happy, but if you gave me a choice between my own hapiness and that of another person, and i made that choice genuinely and from the heart, i'd choose myself, one-hundred percent of the time.
and is that really such a bad thing? i'm not saying that there aren't people who i care about in this world. i'm not saying that there aren't sacrifices worth making. i'm just saying that truly, no sacrifice is worth making if it doesn't eventually contribute to my own hapiness. no person is worth so much of what's mine that there's none left over for me. after all i've been through, the hard truth i've finally learned is that if i abandon myself to care for another, no one's going to pick up the slack for me. if i don't look out for myself, no one else will.

there's a word we generally use for someone who understands this: self-centered. in our culture, we throw this word around like in a derogatory manner, accusing people of being self-centered when we want to guilt them into doing something for us. but if we really look at this word, if we take it apart, we're left with self, as in self esteem, self worth, self actualization, to thine own self be true, and then another word: centered.
doesn't that kind of sound like it'd be better for all of us?

love always

warning!

i returned home to soggy, rainy connecticut early this morning after spending the past week in puerto rico. i worked a double, with only an hour long break to deposit my check into my empty bank account. i felt a sharp, stabbing pang in my chest everytime i remembered that this time yesterday i was somewhere else. needless to say, i'm a bit melancholy about being here.
the past week was everything a vacation could possibly hope to be; good, bad, rainy, sunny, humid, exhausting, emotional, unreal, exciting, terrifying, frustrating. i have stories to tell, pictures to show, moments to relive. i'm still in the process of digesting it all.
at the moment it seems pretty unlikely that i will want to write about anything besides this trip for what may seem like an unreasonably long time to some of you. for this i appologize in advance and offer up my sincerest hopes that it doesn't get old too quickly.

these are words that i need to write.


love always