have you ever found yourself wishing you could have a do-over? a second try at something that just didn't go your way?
last week i received an e-mail saying thank you for sharing your obvious passion for wine with us, after an interview in which i was caught terribly off-guard, and i couldn't help but wonder if it was perhaps, a bit sarcastic. in that moment, i found myself, for the first time as a result of fear, confusion and doubt, unable to articulate exactly how meaningful my chosen profession is to me.
over the years i have had many a revelatory experience in this field.
like on my first day at my first real wine job when i tasted the kim crawford sauvignon blanc and someone said grapefruit and i could actually taste that.
or how i thought that napa cab was a huge, overrated joke until i tasted the rich, heady terra valentine
or this moment when i tasted the cuvee louise from pommery and started to like my job again.
or the time when a friend and i ordered an entire bottle of anselmi i capitelli by the glass because it was just that freaking good.
the truth is, i am beyond passionate about wine, as anyone who has seen me run around a tasting shrieking "ohmigod, you have to try this!!!" can attest to. i'm emotionally attached in a way that borders on un-professional. and yes, there are days when i just wanna order a diet coke, but that's because i spend a good deal of time over-consuming, over-analyzing and over-working myself for the sake of what i do for a living.
if i was unable to convey this to a few select people, i would just like to state for the record: i love my job, i know my shit and if there's one thing i'm certainly not lacking, it's passion.
love always
Showing posts with label my job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my job. Show all posts
Monday, September 21, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
goodbye middletown, hello berkeley
I've been holding off on posting because my mind as of late, has been occupied with some pretty huge news which i was not entirely certain would be a sure thing, but now it's official; i have been offered an amazing position with a large, respectable company in berkeley, and i will be moving to the bay area in approximately two weeks!!!!!!
as anyone would expect, i have a multitude of intense, deep-seeded, hard to decipher feelings regarding this change. i think it's been fairly obvious for quite some time that the small town i live in is not exactly the right place for me. that does not stop me however from feeling deeply attached to it, as well all the people who live here and who have shared and shaped my life for the past twenty-four years. there are aspects of being here which i will miss profoundly.
but as we all know, when one door closes, another inevitably opens and i cannot think of another place in the world where i would rather begin anew than the beautiful bay area. i hope that everyone who i was close with here in middletown will take the opportunity to come visit me in my new home and see exactly why i've become so enamored with this particular corner of the universe.
right now, it feels as if i've got one foot on the east coast and one on the west, as i search for new roommates, pack my old things and attempt to spend as much time as possible with the people whom i care about before i have to say goodbye. it is decidedly bitersweet; heart-wrenching, exciting, intoxicating, humbling, terrifying all at once, but there is no doubt in my mind that it is totally and completely right.
i searched for jobs high and low, on the east coast and the west and none, not one, worked out until this opportunity came along and showed me where i need to be. i had been sort of half-heartedly hoping to move west since i lost that evil job of which we no longer speak, but somehow the powers that be must have heard the half of my heart that wanted this and decided it was the right half because i literally could not have afforded to stay here even if i wanted to and when i visited berkeley a few days ago, i felt for the first time in years, at home in my own life.
middletown will always be my hometown and one of the best in the enitre world, simply because there are so many people here who have been so worth loving to the fullest extent of my ability. i promise to stay in touch and visit often and i hope you all know that i'll be keeping you with me, as close to my heart as possible as i embark on this new adventure.
love always
as anyone would expect, i have a multitude of intense, deep-seeded, hard to decipher feelings regarding this change. i think it's been fairly obvious for quite some time that the small town i live in is not exactly the right place for me. that does not stop me however from feeling deeply attached to it, as well all the people who live here and who have shared and shaped my life for the past twenty-four years. there are aspects of being here which i will miss profoundly.
but as we all know, when one door closes, another inevitably opens and i cannot think of another place in the world where i would rather begin anew than the beautiful bay area. i hope that everyone who i was close with here in middletown will take the opportunity to come visit me in my new home and see exactly why i've become so enamored with this particular corner of the universe.
right now, it feels as if i've got one foot on the east coast and one on the west, as i search for new roommates, pack my old things and attempt to spend as much time as possible with the people whom i care about before i have to say goodbye. it is decidedly bitersweet; heart-wrenching, exciting, intoxicating, humbling, terrifying all at once, but there is no doubt in my mind that it is totally and completely right.
i searched for jobs high and low, on the east coast and the west and none, not one, worked out until this opportunity came along and showed me where i need to be. i had been sort of half-heartedly hoping to move west since i lost that evil job of which we no longer speak, but somehow the powers that be must have heard the half of my heart that wanted this and decided it was the right half because i literally could not have afforded to stay here even if i wanted to and when i visited berkeley a few days ago, i felt for the first time in years, at home in my own life.
middletown will always be my hometown and one of the best in the enitre world, simply because there are so many people here who have been so worth loving to the fullest extent of my ability. i promise to stay in touch and visit often and i hope you all know that i'll be keeping you with me, as close to my heart as possible as i embark on this new adventure.
love always
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
a diva is a female version of a hustler
you may have noticed that there's been a general lack of blogging going on over here. allow me to explain: i have recently embarked on a perilous and passionate quest to find the best job ever.
what that entails to me (i assume it's different for everyone) is opportunity for rampant international travel, plus enough room for my ginormous creative spirit to stretch out in, and of course, an assload of moneys.
as you might imagine, jobs like this are not exactly easy to come by (especially in tough times like these). so, i implore you to please excuse my absence, while i search for this elusive dream. i promise i'll make it up to you later with riveting tales of my glamorous and exotic new career.
love always
what that entails to me (i assume it's different for everyone) is opportunity for rampant international travel, plus enough room for my ginormous creative spirit to stretch out in, and of course, an assload of moneys.
as you might imagine, jobs like this are not exactly easy to come by (especially in tough times like these). so, i implore you to please excuse my absence, while i search for this elusive dream. i promise i'll make it up to you later with riveting tales of my glamorous and exotic new career.
love always
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
i'm making a fashion statement
so they fired my friend shelly at work, and now i have to tend bar. this is good for a few reasons, namely that my primary expertise is in the consumption of alcohol, and also that i get to wear my own clothes instead of some dumb-ass, manly uniform.
it is also bad for a few reasons. i go to work earlier and stay a bit later, so my free-time has been minimized by a significant percentage. worse than that though is the large contingent of pervy guys who are regular customers at the bar.
some of them are really nice. i mean, they're not all terrible. there are a few gentleman who come in and talk with me, tell me i'm attractive, offer to take me out sometime, but know, in their hearts, that i will never actually date them. one of my favorite customers has made a game of trying to feed me the absolute worst pick-up lines, because he knows it cracks me up.
there's even a guy who comes to the bar, who i totally would go out with, if he got the balls to ask me.
then there are the desperate ones. the guys who have deluded themselves into thinking that i'm uber nice to them because i want them, and not because i work in customer service. i've started wearing my most conservative career clothes from my sales days in an effort to convince them that i am a frumpy, uptight bitch. it hasn't worked. at all. now they just say things like i love a classy woman and did ya dress up cuz ya knew that i was comin in?
the worst came the other day when a group of them was asking me about my upcoming vacation and i told them i was planning on going horseback riding. the grossest one out of all them of course, had to say this:
man am i jealous of that horse, hehe.
i was absolutely horrified! keep in mind that i can be kind of slow when it comes to shit like that, and so i'm sitting there thinking why is he jealous of the....OH!...eeeewww. i had to stop myself from gagging right in his face. and that was my frumpiest day of all. i wore a knee-length, collared, shirt-dress, that is literally shaped like a paper bag.
that night i was driving home from work, racking my brain for some way to get the message across to these guys, when it finally came to me:
i'm rocking this shit at work from now on. because nothing says i don't want to fuck you like the snuggie.
love always
it is also bad for a few reasons. i go to work earlier and stay a bit later, so my free-time has been minimized by a significant percentage. worse than that though is the large contingent of pervy guys who are regular customers at the bar.
some of them are really nice. i mean, they're not all terrible. there are a few gentleman who come in and talk with me, tell me i'm attractive, offer to take me out sometime, but know, in their hearts, that i will never actually date them. one of my favorite customers has made a game of trying to feed me the absolute worst pick-up lines, because he knows it cracks me up.
there's even a guy who comes to the bar, who i totally would go out with, if he got the balls to ask me.
then there are the desperate ones. the guys who have deluded themselves into thinking that i'm uber nice to them because i want them, and not because i work in customer service. i've started wearing my most conservative career clothes from my sales days in an effort to convince them that i am a frumpy, uptight bitch. it hasn't worked. at all. now they just say things like i love a classy woman and did ya dress up cuz ya knew that i was comin in?
the worst came the other day when a group of them was asking me about my upcoming vacation and i told them i was planning on going horseback riding. the grossest one out of all them of course, had to say this:
man am i jealous of that horse, hehe.
i was absolutely horrified! keep in mind that i can be kind of slow when it comes to shit like that, and so i'm sitting there thinking why is he jealous of the....OH!...eeeewww. i had to stop myself from gagging right in his face. and that was my frumpiest day of all. i wore a knee-length, collared, shirt-dress, that is literally shaped like a paper bag.
that night i was driving home from work, racking my brain for some way to get the message across to these guys, when it finally came to me:
i'm rocking this shit at work from now on. because nothing says i don't want to fuck you like the snuggie.
love always
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
something must be done
caprese salads get on my fucking nerves. don't get me wrong, i'm fully aware that the combination of tomato, mozzarella and basil can be absolutely sublime. it's just that when your restaurant is still serving this dish in the dead of winter, with pale, grainy beefsteak tomatoes and chewy, leathery old mozzarella, i think you're kind of missing the point.
still people insist on ordering this shit. trust me, we serve it at my job. what's even worse is when people add other stuff to it. like on our menu, you can add chicken, shrimp, salmon or scallops to any of our salads, and people order the caprese salad with scallops! i'm not even kidding you. in fact, on my first day of work i asked one of the other servers what i should order and she actually suggested this very combination to me!
i ordered it like she told me to because i'm a pussy and i hate to make other people feel bad, but the whole time i kept thinking damn these scallops would taste pretty blazin' if i didn't have all this tomato obstructing the flavor. i don't know what it is, but i just happen to think that tomatoes bring out the worst in seafood.
still, people continue to order this horrid concoction. my guess is that they love the cheese. i mean, we rarely see fresh mozarella offered in any other incarnation. so here's my solution:
first buy the best mozarella you can get your hands on. how will you know which one is the best? easy. it's the one that traveled the least amount of miles to get to you.
next, sear some sacllops in a super hot pan with just a microscopic drizzle of olive oil. i like a nice brown crust on my scallops, but you can cook them for as long or as little as you like. also, size does not matter as much as you think it does when it comes to scallops. the little guys are just as tasty as those ginormous monsters that cost a fortune.
once your scallops are cooked to your liking, splash some olive oil onto a plate and place your scallops on top. break off a chunk of mozzarella and put that on the plate too. top it all of with some lovely avocado slices, as avocado pairs beautifully with both mozarella and seafood. sprinkle some sea salt and lemon and you're good.
so much better than that crap you've been paying ten bucks a plate for at the faux-italian restaurant down the street....despite the fact that i work there.
love always
still people insist on ordering this shit. trust me, we serve it at my job. what's even worse is when people add other stuff to it. like on our menu, you can add chicken, shrimp, salmon or scallops to any of our salads, and people order the caprese salad with scallops! i'm not even kidding you. in fact, on my first day of work i asked one of the other servers what i should order and she actually suggested this very combination to me!
i ordered it like she told me to because i'm a pussy and i hate to make other people feel bad, but the whole time i kept thinking damn these scallops would taste pretty blazin' if i didn't have all this tomato obstructing the flavor. i don't know what it is, but i just happen to think that tomatoes bring out the worst in seafood.
still, people continue to order this horrid concoction. my guess is that they love the cheese. i mean, we rarely see fresh mozarella offered in any other incarnation. so here's my solution:
first buy the best mozarella you can get your hands on. how will you know which one is the best? easy. it's the one that traveled the least amount of miles to get to you.
next, sear some sacllops in a super hot pan with just a microscopic drizzle of olive oil. i like a nice brown crust on my scallops, but you can cook them for as long or as little as you like. also, size does not matter as much as you think it does when it comes to scallops. the little guys are just as tasty as those ginormous monsters that cost a fortune.
once your scallops are cooked to your liking, splash some olive oil onto a plate and place your scallops on top. break off a chunk of mozzarella and put that on the plate too. top it all of with some lovely avocado slices, as avocado pairs beautifully with both mozarella and seafood. sprinkle some sea salt and lemon and you're good.
so much better than that crap you've been paying ten bucks a plate for at the faux-italian restaurant down the street....despite the fact that i work there.
love always
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
about that waitressing gig....
'member when i wrote all that mess about being psyched to start waitressing again? let me just state for the record that i was absolutely right. on the whole, my waitressing job is fan-fucking-tastic! you may check out the website for the restaurant that i'm working at here . notice how a vast majority of the items on our menu are organic? me likey. and yes, the food really does taste as good as it sounds. add to that the fact that i work with some truly kick-ass females, who all do a different cool and interesting something when they're not waitressing, and you've got yourself a recipe for one very happy ex-wine-sales-rep.
until today that is, when i experienced my first waitressing throwdown of my new career. i knew that shit would happen eventually. here's the deal:
i was not scheduled to work dinner today. i was only supposed to work lunch. since i had the night off, i decided that i would make dinner. i had a chicken in the freezer that needed to be defrosted, and i've been reading for a long-ass time that brining your meat makes it taste better. so i decided to try it. yesterday afternoon, rather than just throwing the chicken in the fridge to melt, i lovingly prepared a brine using salt, sugar, garlic, honey, bay leaf and of course, lots of water. i planned to let it sit for a full twenty-four hours for maximum flavor retention.
as soon as i put that shit in the fridge, the wheels in my brain started turning. i thought about how i could blanch the gorgeous baby artichokes i bought the other day with some new potatoes and then throw them in the pan a few minutes before the chicken was done. then i thought about possibly adding some quartered shallots as well, maybe making a nice arugala salad with honey mustard dressing to serve with it all. before i knew it, i had my whole meal mapped out, from the prep down to the plating.
i know that may seem a bit excessive for a weeknight dinner, but food is my obsession y'all. it's what makes me tick. some people eat to live, i live to eat...and cook...and read about cooking...and eating. you get the point. so when i received a text this morning asking me to cover someone's shift tonight, i politely declined. i had much more important things to do.
the trouble didn't start until after lunch, when my boss basically demanded that i come in for dinner, or never come to work again. my hands were shaking. my lip was quivering. i was using all the willpower i had to simply not shed a tear. how could they demand that i abandon my chicken?! i had spent so much time thinking about it over the past twenty-four hours that i felt like i had an emotional connection with it! i was pissed yo!
thankfully, my mom came to the rescue (as mom's often do) and offered to cook the chicken for me so that it wouldn't go to waste and let me tell you, it was the best damned chicken i've ever had. despite the fact that my mom cooked it for a good three hours (she's paranoid about food poisoning), it was still moist and juicy. the brine had soaked all the way through, permeating the meat with a savory-sweetness and a rich, herbal flavor. it was so worth it. all the heart-wrenching, power-struggling drama was totally fucking worth it. i'd do it again in a heartbeat.
let's just hope that next time, i won't have to cover anyone else's shift.
love always
until today that is, when i experienced my first waitressing throwdown of my new career. i knew that shit would happen eventually. here's the deal:
i was not scheduled to work dinner today. i was only supposed to work lunch. since i had the night off, i decided that i would make dinner. i had a chicken in the freezer that needed to be defrosted, and i've been reading for a long-ass time that brining your meat makes it taste better. so i decided to try it. yesterday afternoon, rather than just throwing the chicken in the fridge to melt, i lovingly prepared a brine using salt, sugar, garlic, honey, bay leaf and of course, lots of water. i planned to let it sit for a full twenty-four hours for maximum flavor retention.
as soon as i put that shit in the fridge, the wheels in my brain started turning. i thought about how i could blanch the gorgeous baby artichokes i bought the other day with some new potatoes and then throw them in the pan a few minutes before the chicken was done. then i thought about possibly adding some quartered shallots as well, maybe making a nice arugala salad with honey mustard dressing to serve with it all. before i knew it, i had my whole meal mapped out, from the prep down to the plating.
i know that may seem a bit excessive for a weeknight dinner, but food is my obsession y'all. it's what makes me tick. some people eat to live, i live to eat...and cook...and read about cooking...and eating. you get the point. so when i received a text this morning asking me to cover someone's shift tonight, i politely declined. i had much more important things to do.
the trouble didn't start until after lunch, when my boss basically demanded that i come in for dinner, or never come to work again. my hands were shaking. my lip was quivering. i was using all the willpower i had to simply not shed a tear. how could they demand that i abandon my chicken?! i had spent so much time thinking about it over the past twenty-four hours that i felt like i had an emotional connection with it! i was pissed yo!
thankfully, my mom came to the rescue (as mom's often do) and offered to cook the chicken for me so that it wouldn't go to waste and let me tell you, it was the best damned chicken i've ever had. despite the fact that my mom cooked it for a good three hours (she's paranoid about food poisoning), it was still moist and juicy. the brine had soaked all the way through, permeating the meat with a savory-sweetness and a rich, herbal flavor. it was so worth it. all the heart-wrenching, power-struggling drama was totally fucking worth it. i'd do it again in a heartbeat.
let's just hope that next time, i won't have to cover anyone else's shift.
love always
Sunday, March 22, 2009
my brand new non-career
tommorrow is my first day of work at a brand new job where i'll be......waitressing! i know that some people in my life see this as a desperate move, or as a sign that i'm throwing in the towel, but honestly, it's exactly what i wanted. after being "let go" from a job that i worked so hard to obtain, a job that i perservered at despite the fact that it made me unhappy, simply for the sake of my career, i really just want to wait on tables. it's like when you get out of a real serious relationship and you're not really ready to start dating again. i got burned pretty badly and i'm not in the mood to jump into another career just yet.
i waitressed for five years before i decided to sell wine for a living, and although i occasionally resented my customers, got sick of the late hours or felt like everyone's slave, for the most part, i really enjoyed it. here are my top five reasons why:
5. you actually get to move
the first year that i was waitressing, i dropped about twenty pounds and i couldn't figure out why. then i got a job in a fancy wine shop where i sat at a computer all day, and i gained it all back. that's when it clicked. all those hours that i was busting my ass waiting on tables, i was excercising without even realizng it! not only is it great to be active because you lose weight, but it can also improve your mood drastically.
4. time flies
working in a restaurant is simple. you go in, you do what needs to be done, then you leave. there's no watching the clock, no trying to look busy. either you are busy, or you get cut.
3. free time
restaurant hours are great. shifts are typically short and don't start until later in the day. no one calls you on your day off. no one expects you to put in more time just to prove how dedicated how your are. no one expects you to do anything except show up for your shift and finish your sidework. what this means is that you get plenty of space to do what really matters to you, whether it be working on a side project, or drinking till four am every night.
2. it's such a bonding experience
restaurants are pretty low-commitment, but at times, they can be brutal. the staff gets overwhelmed, the customers get hungry, the managers are all overworked and underpaid. emotions can run pretty high, especially when it's busy and everyone's in the weeds. because of this, you really rely on your co-workers to get you through it when they can. i've met some of my best friends working in restaurants, and we're still close to this day.
1. it's fucking fun!
yes, it's hard work. no, you never get the appreciation that you deserve. sometimes the chef flips out and calls you a whore. other times you wanna murder your co-worker who somehow always gets the best section despite the fact the they never do their sidework. despite all that, it's great fun. you schmooze your customers, gossip with the staff, and deliver people yummy food and drinks all night. you meet lots of cool people, try lots of great food and you get to be social all the time. coming from where i'm coming from, that sounds like a pretty sweet deal.
love always
i waitressed for five years before i decided to sell wine for a living, and although i occasionally resented my customers, got sick of the late hours or felt like everyone's slave, for the most part, i really enjoyed it. here are my top five reasons why:
5. you actually get to move
the first year that i was waitressing, i dropped about twenty pounds and i couldn't figure out why. then i got a job in a fancy wine shop where i sat at a computer all day, and i gained it all back. that's when it clicked. all those hours that i was busting my ass waiting on tables, i was excercising without even realizng it! not only is it great to be active because you lose weight, but it can also improve your mood drastically.
4. time flies
working in a restaurant is simple. you go in, you do what needs to be done, then you leave. there's no watching the clock, no trying to look busy. either you are busy, or you get cut.
3. free time
restaurant hours are great. shifts are typically short and don't start until later in the day. no one calls you on your day off. no one expects you to put in more time just to prove how dedicated how your are. no one expects you to do anything except show up for your shift and finish your sidework. what this means is that you get plenty of space to do what really matters to you, whether it be working on a side project, or drinking till four am every night.
2. it's such a bonding experience
restaurants are pretty low-commitment, but at times, they can be brutal. the staff gets overwhelmed, the customers get hungry, the managers are all overworked and underpaid. emotions can run pretty high, especially when it's busy and everyone's in the weeds. because of this, you really rely on your co-workers to get you through it when they can. i've met some of my best friends working in restaurants, and we're still close to this day.
1. it's fucking fun!
yes, it's hard work. no, you never get the appreciation that you deserve. sometimes the chef flips out and calls you a whore. other times you wanna murder your co-worker who somehow always gets the best section despite the fact the they never do their sidework. despite all that, it's great fun. you schmooze your customers, gossip with the staff, and deliver people yummy food and drinks all night. you meet lots of cool people, try lots of great food and you get to be social all the time. coming from where i'm coming from, that sounds like a pretty sweet deal.
love always
Friday, March 6, 2009
everything was worth this
i'm truly, truly ecstatic right now. i just received conformation from expedia that i did indeed purchase a round-trip ticket to san juan, puerto rico, and i will for sure be leaving CT for puerto rico on may 6th!!!! i can't even believe that shit is real!
sometimes i get scared that i won't do enough stuff before i die. that's there's just too much beauty in the world and i won't be able to experience enough of it. that's why things like this make me so happy. i get to step outside of my little box and really do something new.
now, of course the most essential part of such a vacation is figuring out which swimsuit i should buy to bring with me. for this, i have been neurotically consulting the orchid boutique . i can't decide between the aqua de arcoiris from aqua bendita or the dezert love bikini from maaji.....
in addition to my little trip to p.r., i'm also planning another big adventure in september, but more about that later. suffice to say that right now i'm not so upset about losing that job anymore.
love always
sometimes i get scared that i won't do enough stuff before i die. that's there's just too much beauty in the world and i won't be able to experience enough of it. that's why things like this make me so happy. i get to step outside of my little box and really do something new.
now, of course the most essential part of such a vacation is figuring out which swimsuit i should buy to bring with me. for this, i have been neurotically consulting the orchid boutique . i can't decide between the aqua de arcoiris from aqua bendita or the dezert love bikini from maaji.....
in addition to my little trip to p.r., i'm also planning another big adventure in september, but more about that later. suffice to say that right now i'm not so upset about losing that job anymore.
love always
Monday, March 2, 2009
this is the lamest recession ever
the recession has finally hit home for me.
i woke up on thursday morning, all set for a super-long day at work. i had accounts to see, and immediately afterwards, a long sales meeting. but then i got a phone call from my boss asking if i could please come to the office a bit early to speak with him. i knew right then that something bad was going to happen.
i tried to get my boss to meet with me earlier. i was anxious and scared and not looking forward to an enire day of shaky anticipation. he refused.
at my last account of the day, i could barely hold my shit together. i rushed out before i had even finished the order, leaving my customer confused and bewildered and tripping over my own feet on the way out.
when i finally made it to my bosses office, they called in my direct supervisor and delivered the blow swiftly.
we've been waiting for you to exhibit certain behaviors that you have not yet exhibited.
you're a nice person, but that's all you are.
we're going to have to let you go.
and the icing on the cake: is there anything you would like to say?
in fact, there were many things i would've liked to say. such as: exactly what beahviors were you waiting for me to exhibit? perhaps if i had magically grown a dick so as to fit in better with the rest of the sales force?
i did not say any of those things. instead, i tried not to cry as i attempted to erase all incriminating evidence from my company issued laptop. eventually, we all agreed that perhaps it would be better if i returned the laptop the next day, after i had a chance to pull myself together.
i drove home in a haze of tears. i screamed into the phone at my mother that no, everything was not fucking okay. i called the customers that i was exceptionally close with and they reasurred me that i would, indeed be missed, and that no, i was not a terrible sales person.
then i sat. i sat and i thought, for a really long time. i thought of how i had spent my birthday this past year sitting in a wine class that failed to teach me anything i did not already know. i thought about the abortion that i had in may because no one wants to buy booze from a pregnant chick. i thought about the new car i had purchased, in order to run my new route, and i wondered how the fuck i would ever make the payment if i were forced to take a pay cut. i waited for some great realization, but it did not come. i could only sit and go over every sacrifice i had made for a job that no longer belonged to me.
it wasn't until later, after i admitted to myself that maybe i shouldn't be alone, and had gone to find comfort at a friends house, that it started to be okay. we were watching some commercial, possibly for apple or some such company. the commercial featured words like innovative, creative, ideas and the future. i used to see commercials like this and feel jealous. for me, those words, that concept, the image that those companies are trying to sell, was a thing of the past.
now, it didn't have to be that way.
i had liked some things about my job. mostly, i liked the fact that i was bringing in good money for a job that felt easy. there were also, however, things about my job that i had hated. things that opressed me. things like when my boss told me that in order to succesfully sell wine, i had to wear darker colors. or like the fact i always felt like i was faking it, and sooner or later, i would be found out. or like the way that during sales meeting my co-workers would always make snide comments like "i guess i have to watch my mouth now that there's a lady in the room."
the bottom line is that i never fit. and in this economy there is no room for an employee who doesn't fit. while this may feel like a bad thing, especially to those of us who no longer have a steady paycheck, i think that there are some positive aspects to the situation as well. it forces us to take a step back and think about where we do fit, where our skills would be the most useful and valued. it forces us to aks ourselves what we can do in this world, for this world, rather than just accepting whichever job pays the most.
personally, i'm excited to no longer be a wine sales rep, because that's not who i am. i am a writer. i am a thinker. i am a fabulous dresser (in brightly colored clothing!). i can do a cartwheel on my elbows, and i also happen to know more about wine than anyone else i know. i know in my heart that somewhere on this earth, there is a job for someone with exactly those qualifications, and now i am free to go find it.
there are people in this world who were born to sell wine. people who sell wine so well that it inspires people. people who sell wine in a way that changes the world. people who are so fucking amazing at selling wine that they should be famous for it. i am not one of those people.
there are also people who are great at other things, and who do those other things in a way that inspires people or changes the world or makes them famous.
now, i get to take my place among them.
love always
i woke up on thursday morning, all set for a super-long day at work. i had accounts to see, and immediately afterwards, a long sales meeting. but then i got a phone call from my boss asking if i could please come to the office a bit early to speak with him. i knew right then that something bad was going to happen.
i tried to get my boss to meet with me earlier. i was anxious and scared and not looking forward to an enire day of shaky anticipation. he refused.
at my last account of the day, i could barely hold my shit together. i rushed out before i had even finished the order, leaving my customer confused and bewildered and tripping over my own feet on the way out.
when i finally made it to my bosses office, they called in my direct supervisor and delivered the blow swiftly.
we've been waiting for you to exhibit certain behaviors that you have not yet exhibited.
you're a nice person, but that's all you are.
we're going to have to let you go.
and the icing on the cake: is there anything you would like to say?
in fact, there were many things i would've liked to say. such as: exactly what beahviors were you waiting for me to exhibit? perhaps if i had magically grown a dick so as to fit in better with the rest of the sales force?
i did not say any of those things. instead, i tried not to cry as i attempted to erase all incriminating evidence from my company issued laptop. eventually, we all agreed that perhaps it would be better if i returned the laptop the next day, after i had a chance to pull myself together.
i drove home in a haze of tears. i screamed into the phone at my mother that no, everything was not fucking okay. i called the customers that i was exceptionally close with and they reasurred me that i would, indeed be missed, and that no, i was not a terrible sales person.
then i sat. i sat and i thought, for a really long time. i thought of how i had spent my birthday this past year sitting in a wine class that failed to teach me anything i did not already know. i thought about the abortion that i had in may because no one wants to buy booze from a pregnant chick. i thought about the new car i had purchased, in order to run my new route, and i wondered how the fuck i would ever make the payment if i were forced to take a pay cut. i waited for some great realization, but it did not come. i could only sit and go over every sacrifice i had made for a job that no longer belonged to me.
it wasn't until later, after i admitted to myself that maybe i shouldn't be alone, and had gone to find comfort at a friends house, that it started to be okay. we were watching some commercial, possibly for apple or some such company. the commercial featured words like innovative, creative, ideas and the future. i used to see commercials like this and feel jealous. for me, those words, that concept, the image that those companies are trying to sell, was a thing of the past.
now, it didn't have to be that way.
i had liked some things about my job. mostly, i liked the fact that i was bringing in good money for a job that felt easy. there were also, however, things about my job that i had hated. things that opressed me. things like when my boss told me that in order to succesfully sell wine, i had to wear darker colors. or like the fact i always felt like i was faking it, and sooner or later, i would be found out. or like the way that during sales meeting my co-workers would always make snide comments like "i guess i have to watch my mouth now that there's a lady in the room."
the bottom line is that i never fit. and in this economy there is no room for an employee who doesn't fit. while this may feel like a bad thing, especially to those of us who no longer have a steady paycheck, i think that there are some positive aspects to the situation as well. it forces us to take a step back and think about where we do fit, where our skills would be the most useful and valued. it forces us to aks ourselves what we can do in this world, for this world, rather than just accepting whichever job pays the most.
personally, i'm excited to no longer be a wine sales rep, because that's not who i am. i am a writer. i am a thinker. i am a fabulous dresser (in brightly colored clothing!). i can do a cartwheel on my elbows, and i also happen to know more about wine than anyone else i know. i know in my heart that somewhere on this earth, there is a job for someone with exactly those qualifications, and now i am free to go find it.
there are people in this world who were born to sell wine. people who sell wine so well that it inspires people. people who sell wine in a way that changes the world. people who are so fucking amazing at selling wine that they should be famous for it. i am not one of those people.
there are also people who are great at other things, and who do those other things in a way that inspires people or changes the world or makes them famous.
now, i get to take my place among them.
love always
Friday, February 20, 2009
they're fucking with me, i just know it.
this weeks episode of abdc was such a travesty, that i'm going to have to ask you to just bear with me for a few days until i calm down and am able to write about it without BUGGING THE FUCK OUT!!!
now, if you'll excuse me for that small outburst, i'd like to say that aside from abdc, i'm really quite pleased with the way things have been working out lately. i had a lovely tasting this evening at my newest account, kaman's. i was chatty and bubbly and most importantly, i sold things, which always puts a smile on my face.
even better, i stood up to my ex-boyfriend today, which is truly a cause for celebration. normally, i'd drink champagne, but even more impressively, i've quit drinking for the week.
cheers!
love always
now, if you'll excuse me for that small outburst, i'd like to say that aside from abdc, i'm really quite pleased with the way things have been working out lately. i had a lovely tasting this evening at my newest account, kaman's. i was chatty and bubbly and most importantly, i sold things, which always puts a smile on my face.
even better, i stood up to my ex-boyfriend today, which is truly a cause for celebration. normally, i'd drink champagne, but even more impressively, i've quit drinking for the week.
cheers!
love always
Monday, February 2, 2009
lifestyles of the young and reckless
i had such a fabulous weekend this past weekend, that i kept waking up in the middle of the night on sunday, just to mourn the fact that it was over.
as i mentioned before, my weekend started with an extensive sherry tasting on friday, accompanied by assorted spanish treats, such as marcona almonds, serrano ham, and the most amazing garlicky olives ever. the tasting was led by a seriously charming spaniard, who simultaneously had a british and spanish accent. technically, this event was a "sales meeting", but halfway through it, i was feeling so light and fuzzy that i drunk-texted everyone i was mad at, and made up with them right then and there.
post sherry extravaganza, i napped, bubble-bathed and pretty much luxuriated in every way possible, so i woke feeling happy and refreshed on saturday morning. i hit the gym to burn off some of those extra pork-fat calories, and then treated myself (along with heater and her adorable daughter) to a delicious lunch of fresh spring rolls, coconut soup, and spicy-steak salad. afterwards, heather suggested that we go shopping at marshalls, where i picked up three pairs of the cutest sunglasses i've ever seen, including these bad boys:
i also got a pair of professional looking, black kors pants, a sheer white tee, a pink, halter-top bubble dress, sexy boyfriend jeans, and tweed pants from the limited in their cassidy fit, which is my fav. as we were ringing up our purchases, i realized i was late for my hair appointment, so i hightailed it to the angry chair , where i got the best haircut/dye job ever, courtesy of dan, who's a real cutie. check it:
when i arrived home from the salon a million hours later, there was a dinner party in full swing at my humble abode. i spent the evening eating delicious food and having some very entertaining conversation with just a few of my most favorite people.
i woke up early on sunday and just barely managed to make it to the gym again, before i had to help sarah shop for her super-bowl party. we then went back to her house and proceeded to make quacamole, buffalo wings with bleu cheese dip, some really tasty snack mix, artichoke dip and ceasar-deviled eggs. steff and vinnie arrived around 4 with yet another dip, one of my favorites, cream cheese, chilli and melted cheddar. we started pouring pink punch and before i knew it, i was once again in a food/booze induced stupor. unfortunately, all the fabulocity became a bit overwhelming and i had to call it an early night before the super-bowl even ended (not that i was paying attention to it anyway).
i then fell into a fitful sleep and dreamed of being on a permanent vacation....
as i mentioned before, my weekend started with an extensive sherry tasting on friday, accompanied by assorted spanish treats, such as marcona almonds, serrano ham, and the most amazing garlicky olives ever. the tasting was led by a seriously charming spaniard, who simultaneously had a british and spanish accent. technically, this event was a "sales meeting", but halfway through it, i was feeling so light and fuzzy that i drunk-texted everyone i was mad at, and made up with them right then and there.
post sherry extravaganza, i napped, bubble-bathed and pretty much luxuriated in every way possible, so i woke feeling happy and refreshed on saturday morning. i hit the gym to burn off some of those extra pork-fat calories, and then treated myself (along with heater and her adorable daughter) to a delicious lunch of fresh spring rolls, coconut soup, and spicy-steak salad. afterwards, heather suggested that we go shopping at marshalls, where i picked up three pairs of the cutest sunglasses i've ever seen, including these bad boys:
i also got a pair of professional looking, black kors pants, a sheer white tee, a pink, halter-top bubble dress, sexy boyfriend jeans, and tweed pants from the limited in their cassidy fit, which is my fav. as we were ringing up our purchases, i realized i was late for my hair appointment, so i hightailed it to the angry chair , where i got the best haircut/dye job ever, courtesy of dan, who's a real cutie. check it:
when i arrived home from the salon a million hours later, there was a dinner party in full swing at my humble abode. i spent the evening eating delicious food and having some very entertaining conversation with just a few of my most favorite people.
i woke up early on sunday and just barely managed to make it to the gym again, before i had to help sarah shop for her super-bowl party. we then went back to her house and proceeded to make quacamole, buffalo wings with bleu cheese dip, some really tasty snack mix, artichoke dip and ceasar-deviled eggs. steff and vinnie arrived around 4 with yet another dip, one of my favorites, cream cheese, chilli and melted cheddar. we started pouring pink punch and before i knew it, i was once again in a food/booze induced stupor. unfortunately, all the fabulocity became a bit overwhelming and i had to call it an early night before the super-bowl even ended (not that i was paying attention to it anyway).
i then fell into a fitful sleep and dreamed of being on a permanent vacation....
Friday, January 30, 2009
my reason for existing
i've just woken up from a very refreshing nap, after a sales meeting during which i completely saturated myself with sherry and jamon serrano. aaah, the good life...
there are however, very important matters to discuss. the time has come for yet another season of my most favoritest show america's best dance crew. we're about three episodes in, so basically, it's just starting to get good. for those of you who don't live under a rock, the show is on mtv, at 10pm eastern time.
now, let's talk about the crews.
beatfreaks- these badass chicks are currently my personal pick to win the season. they're sick, just sick, no other way to describe it. their movements are complicated, precise, clean and together, oh, and did i mention not slutty? as this is an as-of-yet unheard of concept on abdc i'm pretty psyched.
strikers all stars- another crew that actually knows how to dance! i think we may be apparoaching a new record here mtv! also, these boys are smokin', especially the one who got an invitation to perform at obama's inauguration, but ditched it to be on abdc instead. he so clearly has his priorities straight! i sure would love his phone number......
dynamic addition- oh my word, these people are cloggers. as in they wear clogs and bang around on the floor making lots of noise and looking like tools. they are also white as shit. i mean like, lily white, see-through white, twilight white, i don't know what else to call it. the group consists of four burly females, led by a very small man, who is clearly clay aiken's little brother. wouldn't you know, the audience loves them. i feel bad for them, but it's all just a bit too lord of the dance for me.
quest crew- cute asian boys. watching them reminds me of working at forbidden city. they're all so cute and asian i just want to pick them up and squeeze them until they turn blue.
fly khicks- ugh, another girl cheerleading crew. gag me with a motherfucking spoon. they're actually not anywhere near as bad as fembot five or any of the other cheer crews we've seen in the past, but still, give it a rest ladies, it's fucking exhausted.
team millenia- team millenia kinda reminds of fanny pak, only boooring. wicked cute girls, semi-gay boys. they dance well together, they just don't really stand out.
ringmasters- seriously, these boys should put an nc-17 rating on their performances, because they are hands-down the most disturbing thing i've seen in a good, long time. they don't even dance. they just sort of skulk around the stage looking like deranged convicts, showing the audience their weird double-jointedness. it reminds of being in school and having some dude come up and be like "hey wanna see something cool?" and then proceeding to perform some disgusting act like dislocating his shoulder or something. i'm totally waiting for one of them to shoot milk out of their eyeball across the cafeteria.
there were some other crews, but they've obviously been eliminated, and no one cares about them anyway.
last night's episode was, yup, you guessed it, a total crap carnival. (it was also britney spears night, yay!)
beat freaks and strikers all-stars went first, and i have to say, these two crews are so good it's almost boring. there's no element of surprise to their performance. you know they're gonna come out strong, you know they're gonna make everyone else look like a joke. there's no suspense. all good marks from the judges, of course.
the only exciting moment was when the girls in beat freaks flipped out because MTV tried to force them to be sluts and wear creepy clothes like britney. i must say, they handled it nicely. moderate coverage bustiers with menswear pants. sexy and classy.
then came dynamic addition. these poor souls had to dance on chairs for their physical challenge, and clay aiken's brother was all worried that they'd fall off. pussies! so they brought the chairs out and jumped up on them for literally two seconds and then proceeding to clog happilly around the stage to stronger. the girls were all wearing matching pink jackets and long blond wigs, and clay jumped off a chair.
during the judge's comments, shane let on that he was obviously shitfaced by proclaiming "i couldn't stop thinking about the movie white chicks." damn shane, that's cold. true, but cold.
next came quest crew in what was arguably the best routine of the night. their physical challenge was to dance blindfolded, and not only did they dance well, but one guy did a dive role through another guy's legs, blinfolded! i mean, seriously dude, that could've went wrong in so many ways. once the blinfolds came off they got totally femmey and somehow executed a dance that was complete and utter britney spears perfection. maybe they secretly have vaginas....
after quest crew, fly khicks came out and got girljuice all over the stage. let me state for the record, that i do not have a problem with these girls because they are sexy. i have a problem with them because they are sexy in a way that is contrived and embarassing.
and then, the moment of reckoning. it was team millenia against ringmasters in the bottom two. team millenia's routine was perfectly respectable. ringmasters on the other hand... i had to stop myself from getting up and punching a hole through the tv. they danced to circus of course, which was pretty fitting, except for the fact that their dance had no relevance whatsoever to britney spears, or to dancing in general for that matter. plus, their bone-crushing or whatever they call it, is just gross.
of course, lil' mama likes them because they're from brooklyn. so in typical abdc fashion, team millenia was eliminated in favor of a group of gimmicky freaks. i should've know that would happen, but for some reason i get my hopes up every single time. i'm already hoping that they'll get eliminated next week, but when the time comes we shall see.....
love always
there are however, very important matters to discuss. the time has come for yet another season of my most favoritest show america's best dance crew. we're about three episodes in, so basically, it's just starting to get good. for those of you who don't live under a rock, the show is on mtv, at 10pm eastern time.
now, let's talk about the crews.
beatfreaks- these badass chicks are currently my personal pick to win the season. they're sick, just sick, no other way to describe it. their movements are complicated, precise, clean and together, oh, and did i mention not slutty? as this is an as-of-yet unheard of concept on abdc i'm pretty psyched.
strikers all stars- another crew that actually knows how to dance! i think we may be apparoaching a new record here mtv! also, these boys are smokin', especially the one who got an invitation to perform at obama's inauguration, but ditched it to be on abdc instead. he so clearly has his priorities straight! i sure would love his phone number......
dynamic addition- oh my word, these people are cloggers. as in they wear clogs and bang around on the floor making lots of noise and looking like tools. they are also white as shit. i mean like, lily white, see-through white, twilight white, i don't know what else to call it. the group consists of four burly females, led by a very small man, who is clearly clay aiken's little brother. wouldn't you know, the audience loves them. i feel bad for them, but it's all just a bit too lord of the dance for me.
quest crew- cute asian boys. watching them reminds me of working at forbidden city. they're all so cute and asian i just want to pick them up and squeeze them until they turn blue.
fly khicks- ugh, another girl cheerleading crew. gag me with a motherfucking spoon. they're actually not anywhere near as bad as fembot five or any of the other cheer crews we've seen in the past, but still, give it a rest ladies, it's fucking exhausted.
team millenia- team millenia kinda reminds of fanny pak, only boooring. wicked cute girls, semi-gay boys. they dance well together, they just don't really stand out.
ringmasters- seriously, these boys should put an nc-17 rating on their performances, because they are hands-down the most disturbing thing i've seen in a good, long time. they don't even dance. they just sort of skulk around the stage looking like deranged convicts, showing the audience their weird double-jointedness. it reminds of being in school and having some dude come up and be like "hey wanna see something cool?" and then proceeding to perform some disgusting act like dislocating his shoulder or something. i'm totally waiting for one of them to shoot milk out of their eyeball across the cafeteria.
there were some other crews, but they've obviously been eliminated, and no one cares about them anyway.
last night's episode was, yup, you guessed it, a total crap carnival. (it was also britney spears night, yay!)
beat freaks and strikers all-stars went first, and i have to say, these two crews are so good it's almost boring. there's no element of surprise to their performance. you know they're gonna come out strong, you know they're gonna make everyone else look like a joke. there's no suspense. all good marks from the judges, of course.
the only exciting moment was when the girls in beat freaks flipped out because MTV tried to force them to be sluts and wear creepy clothes like britney. i must say, they handled it nicely. moderate coverage bustiers with menswear pants. sexy and classy.
then came dynamic addition. these poor souls had to dance on chairs for their physical challenge, and clay aiken's brother was all worried that they'd fall off. pussies! so they brought the chairs out and jumped up on them for literally two seconds and then proceeding to clog happilly around the stage to stronger. the girls were all wearing matching pink jackets and long blond wigs, and clay jumped off a chair.
during the judge's comments, shane let on that he was obviously shitfaced by proclaiming "i couldn't stop thinking about the movie white chicks." damn shane, that's cold. true, but cold.
next came quest crew in what was arguably the best routine of the night. their physical challenge was to dance blindfolded, and not only did they dance well, but one guy did a dive role through another guy's legs, blinfolded! i mean, seriously dude, that could've went wrong in so many ways. once the blinfolds came off they got totally femmey and somehow executed a dance that was complete and utter britney spears perfection. maybe they secretly have vaginas....
after quest crew, fly khicks came out and got girljuice all over the stage. let me state for the record, that i do not have a problem with these girls because they are sexy. i have a problem with them because they are sexy in a way that is contrived and embarassing.
and then, the moment of reckoning. it was team millenia against ringmasters in the bottom two. team millenia's routine was perfectly respectable. ringmasters on the other hand... i had to stop myself from getting up and punching a hole through the tv. they danced to circus of course, which was pretty fitting, except for the fact that their dance had no relevance whatsoever to britney spears, or to dancing in general for that matter. plus, their bone-crushing or whatever they call it, is just gross.
of course, lil' mama likes them because they're from brooklyn. so in typical abdc fashion, team millenia was eliminated in favor of a group of gimmicky freaks. i should've know that would happen, but for some reason i get my hopes up every single time. i'm already hoping that they'll get eliminated next week, but when the time comes we shall see.....
love always
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
i feel justified in my risque fashion choices
i just wanted to tell everyone that apparently, lace tights are totally in this week. i have noticed that the models on all my fave vintage sites (my mosted trusted source of fashionable inspiration) are sporting them. this makes me super-psyched because i actually own a pair of lace tights that are so ridiculously hot that jamie couldn't handle it and banned me from ever wearing them to work again.
love always
love always
Friday, November 7, 2008
it's 8 o'clock on friday and i'm already hungover
sometime around one this afternoon, i came to a very important and wholly unexpected conclusion: i love my job.
about six months ago i was promoted within my company to the position of wine sales rep. i had been dreaming about having this job for a seriously long time, so naturally i was thrilled when i first found out, but to be totally honest, the past six months have been kind of the hugest letdown of my entire life. supplying shitty package stores with boxes of franzia wasn't nearly as glamorous as i had expected.
this week was the absolute pinnacle of my job's shitiness. it was so stressful that i've actually been considering a career change, but that all changed when i met matias.
matias is this semi-adorable edward norton look-alike who supplies my company with pommery champagne. supposedly, the entire rest of the world thinks of pommery the way that we, in america, think of veuve cliquot or dom perignon; as the height of luxury and the emodiment of good taste. i had never tasted pommery before, but i was immediately drawn to the packaging on their new POP label.
we started with the brut royale, then moved on the rose, the new, modern POP line, and then, the highlight of my entire wine-drinking career, the cuvee louise. i've had champagne before, and i've been slightly impressed, but from the very first sip of this stuff, i was hooked.
something in the traditional champagne bouquet always throws me off. some people describe the nose as being "yeasty", which never seemed all that appealing to me. in this line however, i found the scent to be alluring, intoxicating even. as we moved into the higher end bottlings something clicked in my brain. this wine smells like seashells, like the ocean, like everything i loved about being fifteen years old.
when we tasted the cuvee louise, i literally had tears in my eyes (i was a bit drunk by this point, mind you). i was seriously moved by how good this wine tasted. i'm talking praline, hazlenut, rose petals, and of course that briny seashell bouquet. it reminded of why i wanted to sell wine in the first place.
who else in the entire world gets to start off their weekend drinking exquisite two-hundred-dollar-a-bottle champagne and getting paid for it?
trust me, i'm done complaining.
love always
about six months ago i was promoted within my company to the position of wine sales rep. i had been dreaming about having this job for a seriously long time, so naturally i was thrilled when i first found out, but to be totally honest, the past six months have been kind of the hugest letdown of my entire life. supplying shitty package stores with boxes of franzia wasn't nearly as glamorous as i had expected.
this week was the absolute pinnacle of my job's shitiness. it was so stressful that i've actually been considering a career change, but that all changed when i met matias.
matias is this semi-adorable edward norton look-alike who supplies my company with pommery champagne. supposedly, the entire rest of the world thinks of pommery the way that we, in america, think of veuve cliquot or dom perignon; as the height of luxury and the emodiment of good taste. i had never tasted pommery before, but i was immediately drawn to the packaging on their new POP label.
we started with the brut royale, then moved on the rose, the new, modern POP line, and then, the highlight of my entire wine-drinking career, the cuvee louise. i've had champagne before, and i've been slightly impressed, but from the very first sip of this stuff, i was hooked.
something in the traditional champagne bouquet always throws me off. some people describe the nose as being "yeasty", which never seemed all that appealing to me. in this line however, i found the scent to be alluring, intoxicating even. as we moved into the higher end bottlings something clicked in my brain. this wine smells like seashells, like the ocean, like everything i loved about being fifteen years old.
when we tasted the cuvee louise, i literally had tears in my eyes (i was a bit drunk by this point, mind you). i was seriously moved by how good this wine tasted. i'm talking praline, hazlenut, rose petals, and of course that briny seashell bouquet. it reminded of why i wanted to sell wine in the first place.
who else in the entire world gets to start off their weekend drinking exquisite two-hundred-dollar-a-bottle champagne and getting paid for it?
trust me, i'm done complaining.
love always
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