surpirse, surprise. i'm sick again....

for the past couple of weeks, i have been on-and-off sick. today and yesterday have been an all-time low. it's hard for me to accept being ill, especially when it means staying home and recuperating and especially in the midst of such an exciting time in my life. what this means is that i've been attempting to go out and live like the healthy, but i'm not quite there. i'm only giving fifty percent. i'm like a zombie, going through all the motions but not really feelin it.

oh, and i'm in bed early. like, really early.

you'd think that all this rest and relaxation would give me a perfect opportunity to sit down and write something, but it hasn't. i'm bored! if anything, this mellow time has only strengthened my resolve to get out and do something. anything. many things. but all of them real, raw and honest.

however, as they say, every grey cloud has a silver lining. so i'd like to give a shot-out to all my silver linings.

like how nice it is to have friends who you feel close enough with that you can temporarily move your sick bed over to their place, and then lay around in your pjs watching movies.

or how good it feels to make up with someone, even though you still disagree with each other, because you love each other enough to not have to agree.

most importantly, finding a sense of comfort in yourself, whether you're sick or not.



love always

this is what us single folk do on valentine's

yet again, i am uber-late with the abdc update. can you tell that this new-england winter shit is really getting to me? it's like my cells are actually freezing, so that they're susupended, or moving in slow-motion or something. therefore, it is quite easy for me to lay around watching crappy tv, but formulating an actual opinion on it and then articulating that opinion is another thing entirely.

nevertheless, i will attempt it.

beatfreaks, i love you gals so much! especially adorable marys, who dedicated her performance to her late brother, who so sadly passed away before he even turned 18. after the performance, they showed her backstage telling her crew "i love you guys so much. you're my family." in her sweet accent. now, i really want her to be my new best friend.

also, this week i like beatfreaks better than quest crew again, because quest crew's performance was kinda whack.
strikers all-stars also gave kind of a weak performance, but they totally made up for it by being SEXY AS FUCK.
fly khicks and dynamic addition had to battle it out at the end, and y'all know how i feel about both these crews, but lo and behold, the cloggers actually learned how to dance! i've never seen clay aiken look so gangsta!
of course, as soon as i decide to like them they go and get eliminated. all because fly khicks know how to do splits in their booty shorts.
typical, abdc, so fucking typical.

love always

back from the grave

it's been so freaking long since i've updated, but i swear, i have an excuse! i've been sick and cranky and trust me, non one should have to hear from me when i'm in that sort of a state. now, i'm almost all better and i have just one thing to say:
in regards to thursday's abdc episode, thank you god! i am certain that you heard my fervent prayers to have the ringmasters eliminated, and you have so graciously chosen to answer them. all i can do is express my unending gratitude for this small miracle, because watching those dudes was starting to make me nauseous.
yes, despite the fact that i was sick as shit, i did literally jump for joy when they announced that. also, since it was fly khicks that won the battle, i must say, i might be able to tolerate these bitches just a tiny bit more from now on.
other than that, it was a pretty uneventful show, all the crews that are usually good were still good
oh, wait! there was one more thing. the cloggers (dynamic addition) SMASHED IT! THEY SMASHED IT!
granted, mtv did kinda throw them a bone by allowing them to dance to achy-breaky heart, which is totally their favorite song ever, but still, they were pretty freaking flawless. way to go clay aiken!
poor beat freaks! they had to dance to pretty fly for a white guy.

in totally unrelated news, my friend made me watch hancock last night. i was not all that psyched about it, but it actually turned out to be really good. you should totally check it out.

love always

and the moral of the story is.......

i had a dream that reminded me of my vacation, and i woke up and realized that maybe i ought to wrap it up so i can write about something else.
the last couple days i had in california were much more mellow. i went to ironstone winery, hung out with my family, ate some good food, including thai spaghetti and meatballs, which was really bizarre. on friday, the day before i got home i got really sad, whether this was because i didn't want to leave or because i was dreading flying home in the middle of a freaking snow storm, i'm not entirely sure. either way, i felt very emotional.
actually, during my whole trip i felt pretty intensely emotional. there is something about being that far away from home that makes me feel vulnerable and anxious. i'm really attached to everything i surround myself with here, in connecticut, but what if i had a choice? what if i could choose to go somewhere else and get attached to a different set of things? maybe even a better set of things?
so this is the direction my thoughts have been taking since i've been home. just how much do i wanna stay in this cozy little box i've made for myself? the world is bigger than i thought, and i haven't even left the country yet.

love always

celebrity sightings in assfuck, CT

(just so you know, i've been dying to post this entry for a week now)

okay, so, last weekend my besty, heater shows up at my house with this crazed look in her eyes

"we must go out and drink alcohol now please!"

this is a fairly common occurence druing the winter months in CT. you go stir crazy. it's too cold to leave the house so you stay inside for a few weeks and then all of a sudden something snaps in you and you stop giving a shit how cold it is, because you just have to get out there in the world and do something, which in CT during the winter, means drinking alcohol, because there's nothing else to do. i'm not even kidding you. it's like a bad horror movie.

so of course i agree to go out with heater, partly cause i love the bitch, and partly cause i can tell i'm on the verge of cabin fever myself. so we decide to do the unthinkable, something neither of us has done in years, something so desperately dangerous that to do so under normal circumstances would be foolish. we go to a keg party. in northford.

don't ask me where the fuck northford is. don't ask heater either, even though she drove us there. as far as i could tell we just ended up in front of this dude's house with heater's surrogate cousin nicky bristol.

the guy whose party this is, he's old. also, he's rich and so full of shit and coke that it's literally painful to listen to him speak. all he says is, "listen, listen, ok right, listen, this one time, listen, listen, ok, listen." and after about ten minutes of this we're like "WE'RE LISTENING! FUCKING SAY SOMETHING BESIDES 'LISTEN'!" so heater and i fake like we have to pee and run as far away from this guy as possible, which is when i lay eyes on him.

my dream boy.

i mean, literally, he is my dream boy because i dream about him every night.

and during the day, i daydream about him.

in short, he is the love of my life

EDWARD CULLEN!!!!!!!

yes, i know it's hard to believe that edward would be at a keg party, but i swear to you it was him. i could tell by his dreamy eyes and his bouffant hair-do. all i could think is i have to talk to him. so i fixed him with my infamous come-hither stare and of course, he came hither (they always do).

at first the conversation seemed to confirm my theory that he was in fact, edward cullen. he told me that he's a male nurse (edward would totally be a male nurse if he wasn't too busy stalking inncoent teenage girls) and that he played the piano. i was like omg! i must be dreaming! but then i asked him why he became a male nurse, and he said "well, i used to be a model. i mean, obviously right? look at me, i'm gorgeous. but then i decided that helping people is totally more important than being famous." and that's when i realized that he wasn't edward cullen. he was, in fact, a much bigger and better celebrity, the one and only derek zoolander. only he was disguised as edward cullen.



i know it, right? can you believe my luck?
as edlander is regalling me with semi-retarded, egotistical tales of his modeling days, heater jumps in and, being the lovably oberbearing bitch that she is, asks the question that's been on everyone's mind since edlander first proclaimed (rather loudly, i might add) that he was a male nurse.
"dude, are you gay?"
and at that point, my dream boy blurted out the most fantastical series of words i have ever heard spoken by antoher human.
"no, that would be a waste of my HUGE DICK" (yes, he really did say that)
over the course of the night he said many memorable things, such as
"what is up with you walking away from me to go to the bathroom. i've never hit on a girl and had her not be totally psyched about it. i have way too much pride to go chasing you around this party all night"
and also, when a drunkenly chivalrous nicky bristol decided to call him on the fact that he was being a self-absorbed waste of oxygen,
"why does this always happen to me. it must be because i'm so good looking"
at that point i took pity on the poor sould and gave him my phone number as like, a consolation prize for being the worlds biggest douchebag. also, because he sucks so bad it's funny, and i really wouldn't mind being seen in public with him. alas, he never called me. i'm crossing my fingers that i will run into him again, preferably when i'm drunk enough to not take him seriously, but until then i guess i'll just have to settle for getting hit on by normal boys.

love always

because i'm worth it

my ass smells like orange blossoms.
i'm not even kidding you, it really does.
allow me to explain:
as soon as it starts getting chilly in good ole connecticut, my body protests. my skin literally shrivels up and threatens to flake off. i itch all day every day, especially my ass. maybe cuz it's so big and fleshy. i'm not really sure.
in any case, my one saving grace is pacifica.
pacifica is a fragrance company founded by a bad-ass surfer chick. they make candles, soap, perfumes, and the absolute best body butter in the whole world, which in the wintertime i slather all over my parched booty.
today i used the nerola orange blossom, but seriously there is not one scent in this entire collection that i wouldn't wear. everything this woman makes smells like some deeply repressed memory from a past life. completely and totally fucking delicious.
even better, every single one of pacifica's products is eco friendly and all natural. so show yourself some love by heading over to http://www.pacificaperfumes.com/ and spending an extravagant amount of money on something seriously indulgent.
you so deserve it.

love always